Midnight thoughts

10-Fiction vs. reality

There's so many things you try so hard on hiding from your parents; either it's your love life, your relationships, or the fact that you ate the last cookie in the jar. Sure what I mentioned doesn't sound like a big of a deal, but what if you were hiding the fact that you were dating at 14 when your parents forbid you to? And you had to sneak out all the time to meet up with your boyfriend, and live with the guilt that you're doing something wrong. Or when you tell your parents, at 16, that you want a piercing, and your dad bluntly tells you he will disown you?

Or the fact that you are 20 now, and still needing the approval of your parents to do certain things.

Like for example when I told my father I wanted to get a tattoo.

I mean, what did I expect? That he would open up a casual conversation about it? Yeah maybe I did. Although I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen. In mind, that's how I imagined it would go.

"Hey dad? I'm thinking about getting a tattoo."

"Oh. You're sure about it? You know those things are permanent and can't be removed easily."

"Yeah I've been thinking about it for a while now and I made up my mind."

"Nice to see how you're sharing it now rather than before, " he teases.

"I wanted to know that I was sure about it!"

He laughs. "What are you thinking about getting permanently inked onto your skin? Oh! I know! It's your father's name of course!"

"You're so funny", I half laugh rolling my eyes. "But I'm thinking about 'carpe diem' in a thin discreet font."

"You speaking Chinese now?"

"It's Latin dad!" I laugh out loud. "And it means to enjoy the moment and don't worry about the future. You know since I was getting all stressed at the beginning of my college year fearing I might fail. I think it suits me."

"You really thought about it didn't you?" He answers me as if he's impressed and I nod. "Did you also think about where doing it? I suggest on your arm. You know where it's more noticed. Deep Chinese words must be visible to anyone!"

"Dad it's Latin!" I laugh again.

"If you say so."

"So what do you think?"

"If you're sure about it and you know you won't regret it go for it. It's your decision to make. You're old enough to decide for yourself."

"Okay dad."I answer smiling. "Thanks."

"Oh. Did you ask your mom about it?"

"Yeah she doesn't mind. She said it's my body, my choice."

"Wise words coming from a wise woman."

"Are you guys talking about me?" Mom says pooping into the room.

"Hey honey. Your daughter was just telling me about getting a tattoo and I told her absolutely not!"

She looks at him as if trying to read him like she always do.

"You know she's 20 now. She doesn't need our approval. But we are glad she's sharing with us. Aren't we honey?"

And it all ends up with a happy ending, everyone is happy, with me getting this tattoo I wanted and what not.

You must think I'm stupid right? What parents in their right mind would say such things? What parents would gladly approve of a tattoo?

Unfortunately,reality settles in, and those scenarios never really happen.

This is what actually happened.

"Hey dad. Mom and I went to check out on a tattoo shop-"

"Absolutely not!"

"But why?!"

"Because not!"

"But dad why? I want to!" And I'm old enough to do what I want to do, I thought, but been scared to say.

"Because I said so."

"Can't you give me a valid reason?"

"It's poison imprinted in your skin! I'm totally against tattoos!" But dad you're a smoker! It's basically a bigger poison than tattoos! And our country is full garbage in all the neighbourhoods, what about the air we're inhaling! That's the real poison! We live in lebanon for God's sake! But of course I didnt say it. Why you ask? Who could really stand up to their father? In a situation like this...

"I don't want you to do it and that's it!"

Well would you be more satisfied if I did it anyways and you found out later? But saying that it loud in my mind, it does sound better. He might be mad at me for a week, but everything would get back to normal!

I open my mouth to speak but decide against it and close it.

"Don't do it! I'm warning you," he finally says standing up abruptly so he can get out out of the room to smoke a cigarette.

You know my cousins all have tattoos. Maya has all her forearm tattoos. Lina has her ankle tattooed. Sophia has her eyebrows tattooed! And that's the tattoos that show. Some cousins might also have tattoos but that doesn't show!

All this time my mom's been looking at me. I look back at her and ask her what is it.

"That's not how you were supposed to say it."

"You didn't tell me how I was supposed to say it!"

"You should know it by yourself." How the fuck should I know if she doesn't tell me!

So yeah. That's basically reality. Now I got two choices. Not doing it in fear if my parents. Or doing it anyway and facing an angry face for a week or a month in the worst scenarios. I think I'm gonna go with the latter, although everything is pointing at the former option. My mother doesn't want to get involved in it anymore. I'm all by myself in this.

A weeks later, I chose the former choice.

Carpe diem.

I'm gonna live in the moment and forget all about the future.

23042018