Midnight thoughts

35- Happy

Why is it forbidden for me to be happy in this house? Why is it that as long as I shall live here I shall be miserable? Why do you work your asses off on making me hate you that much? What have I done you wrong? When did I ever hurt you, for you to hurt me that bad?

As time passes, I notice where you raised us wrong. As time passes, I notice how much your parenting is a failed experiment. As time passes, I notice that that's not how parents should raise their children. As time passes, I realize that you're not meant for having having children and you would've spared us the hustle of the struggle.

I mean...

What parents would raise their child as if no one would ever like them?
What parents would raise their children as if no one likes their presence around?
What parents would raise their child making them think they're not important to anyone?
What parents would raise their child making them think that everyone is doing him wrong but them?
What parents would raise their child making them believe they're not talented enough, and to be talented they should invest in their talent 24/7 or else it's a waste of time and they've got not a single talented bone in them?
What parents would raise their child having them know they would never be good enough unless they were better than everyone else?
What parents would raise their child having them only open up to them just so they could find new ways of manipulating him into doing what they want from him ?
What parents would raise their child making them hate their body and they won't ever be pretty and confident unless they were skinny?
What parents would raise their child while limiting their food intake even if they're still hungry and making them believe they're obese just so they could stay skinny? 

What parents would raise their child while manipulating them into every single little scheme for their selfish desires and needs? While telling them they're weak, shy and not confident? While telling them they're good at nothing? While telling them they won't ever be enough? While telling them they're not worthy of trust? While telling them they failed in life and will never grow up and remain kids even as adults? While telling them that they're lazy, incompetent, and will never succeed? That they're talentless, worthless and weak? That they won't ever be good enough in their eyes unless they do what they tell them to do? That they will never ever meet someone's expectations? That they will never succeed at life unless they do what they say? That every single choice he decides to take is wrong and regrettable because it's not parent approved first?

What parents raise their child letting them know that whoever they choose to hang out with should be approved by them because he will never know his own good? That their best friends are bad for him? The most important people in his life are doing them wrong? The people he chose as a family are regarded as dust? Just for the sake of remaining the only close people in the life of their child?

What parents choose to purposely hurt their child, disregarding their feelings as weaknesses, never caring about their malaise and discomfort, never noticing or caring about their state of mind, letting them cry in front of them without feeling compassionate in the slightest, using sarcasm to mock them, never taking their words seriously, never trying to let them mature, never trusting them into the person they've become, never admitting that their child grew up into a different person than their expectations, just and only just for the sake of their own selfish fucked up needs?

19062020