🍑
"fine, i'll leave then" ethan screams at me
"good. pack your shit and leave" i yell back
i couldn't believe he thought i were cheating. all i did was hang out with my bestfriend, jack.
he throws random clothes in his suitcase and zips it shut. he storms down the stairs and glares at me before walking out and slamming the door behind him.
i break down and realize that he actually left. he left over false accusations. i would never cheat on ethan. he's been there for me for as long as i could remember.
i feel tears roll down my cheeks and have the sudden urge to wipe them away, but realize more will just take it's place.
i softly cry along with the rain that is pouring down outside.
mother nature must feel the same way
~
a few hours have gone and ethan hasn't been back yet. usually he would leave to cool off then come back, but not this time.
i have an idea of where he might be. i slip on my shoes and grab my car keys, stepping out into the rain.
i drive to grayson's house, but get stuck in traffic due to a car accident.
i finally reach his house and knock on the door. grayson opens it, slowly. tears drip off his cheeks and onto the ground
once he sees that it's me, he pulls me into a hug, crying into my shoulder
i walk inside and sit on the couch, his tears still dampening my shirt
"grayson why are you crying?" i ask
he looks up at you with his swollen eyes "e-ethan"
"yeah, we got into a fight. why are you so upset about it?"
he sniffs and looks at the ground "y-you don't know?"
"know what?"
"h-he" his voice cracks "he got into a car accident" he whispers
my heart stops beating "did...did he- is he...alive?"
grayson shakes his head, more tears falling onto the ground
tears cascade down my cheeks as my body curls into a ball. i shake and cry and shake and cry. there's nothing more i could do.
i think about the last words i said to ethan and cause myself to cry even more. 'i'm a shitty girlfriend. no, i'm just a shitty person' i think to myself
'i didn't even get to tell him how much i loved him. or kiss him one last time. we could've talked it through. we could've made things work. i could've prevented this from happening. i could've prevented him from leaving the house. from leaving me. from leaving everyone and everything. i could've saved him. but i didn't. i didn't talk it out. i didn't make things work. i didn't stop him from leaving. i let him go. i let him die.'
~
i walk through the tall grass and pass many flowers of all different colors. i pass many rocks and stones of all different shapes. i pass many trees and bushes of all different sizes.
i peacefully continue walking until i reach my destination. it's a shady little area under a big tree. i place a few flowers, that i killed, on the ground. but it's okay that i killed a few flowers because this place if full of dead things. it's full of dead things and living things.
it's full of nature and people, both living and nonliving.
i shakily place my hand on the cold stone in front of me "you've been gone for a year. a whole year ethan. i don't know how i've held on this long without you. i haven't heard your laugh or seen your smile for a year. i haven't looked into your beautiful eyes or kiss your soft lips for a year. i haven't cuddled along side you or had fun for a year. you were my everything and you left. and it kills me when i think about what i said before you left. god, i wish i could go back and fix this. you would still be alive and with me"
tears slip down my cheeks as i smile at our memories together "we could go skinny dipping again. or prank grayson a bunch of times. i know he wouldn't mind since he misses you as much as i do. we could buy you a new car and drive anywhere you want. we could travel the world. i know it's been a dream of yours. we could go on tour again. i know how much you missed it. we could have tons of meet and greets. i know how much you miss seeing your fans. they miss you a lot too. we could visit your parents in jersey and surprise them. i know you miss being so far from them. they miss you so much. we could get married. start a family. you said you wanted twins. a girl and a boy. we could make that happen"
i sniff and blink through my tears
"we could do anything you want. all you have to do is come back. come back to me. please ethan. come back" i beg, sobbing into my hands
"i can't believe you're gone" i whisper past my sobs
i control myself and wipe my eyes. i stand up and smile weakly
"see you tomorrow" i whisper before walking back from where i came
🍑
