#INSPIRE

My Story

My name is Kaitlyn *****, and I suffer from depression and anxiety. I wasn't always this way...

Warning: very long. (That's what she said) ((I'm sorry 😂))

On February 29th, 2004, my mom gave birth to me, the first of my parents' four children. (My three younger siblings!)

I had a normal early childhood. I went to school, had friends, took naps. Life was great.

Then, our family friend Brian committed suicide. (My Dad found out on Facebook)

At that moment, I realized that death was a real thing. A part of me died with him.

I matured really fast after that.

As the years went by, I became more and more depressed. It didn't help that I was also bullied every single year, and I didn't have many friends.

Sixth grade was when I was at my worst.

In sixth grade, I became severely suicidal.

I felt like I was drowning every night when I tried to go to sleep, I was drowning in my hate for myself. My grades started to plummet. My friends became more and more worried every day, I was never getting better.

Right when I was about to end it all, my dad found out. Not in the way you'd expect.

He found out from my YouTube history.

"How to kill yourself." "What pills are the deadliest?" "Can apple seeds kill you?"

That was the one time I saw my dad cry.

After that, I started to get better. I went to therapy, and I even started to like myself. Life was starting to get better again.

Then seventh grade came.

Oh god, seventh grade.

I was bullied, which didn't help my low self esteem. I began to develop anxiety, mainly social anxiety. I wore headphones in the hallways all the time just so I wouldn't have to deal with people.

Things just got worse and worse. My constant workload stresses me out. My friends were fighting more often. I discovered that I was bi. Everything just seemed to be crumbling under my feet.

One night, my stress levels were through the roof. So, I snuck a shaving razor into my room, and I cut.

It was the worst pain I've ever experienced.

I cut on my stomach, my shoulder, my thigh, and my wrist.

Of course people found out the next day. Of course people betrayed me and told the school counselor when I wasn't ready to yet. (I never really wanted to trust those people after that...)

Then the whole cycle of healing started all over again. Then I cut again. Then no one knew. I stopped for a while, I cut again. My friends knew. I cut again...

Right after, my boyfriend broke up with me.

I was not ready for that.

Maybe I was just a bad influence on him? I have no idea to this day.

I really wanted to cut again, but I controlled myself. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I did it.

Around then, me and my friend had a sleepover. This was great because I had someone to make fun of my ex with.

A truth or dare game turned into a talk about dating. We somehow got the thought into our heads about us dating. She told me she liked me, I told her I liked her, etc.

I didn't fall in love with her until that night.

The next day, she broke up with me. It was bound to happen, and I think I totally jinxed it!

Now here I am, kind of in limbo between healing and getting worse. Some days I'm really really depressed, others I'm the happiest person in the world.

That's just how I am.

I don't know what's going to happen in 8th grade, but whatever does, you guys will get something out of it! (😜)

My name is Kaitlyn *****, and I have a story. I have a start, and I will have a finish someday. I've gotten through a lot, and I know I'll get through a lot more.

My name is Kaitlyn *****, and I am awesome.