#INSPIRE

Understanding

Today, something that I thought would never happen, happened.

I got sent to the dean's office.

Why, you ask?

Well...I was caught making out with a hot guy (who shall remain nameless) in a girl's bathroom.

Yep. That's a story for another day.

Getting sent to the dean was one of the scariest moments of my life so far. A security guard walked me there from my Spanish class to the office, where I saw that handsome man sitting outside of the dean's office. However, I couldn't look him in the eyes, or really look at him at all. All I felt was...shame. 

They sat me down, and I instantly started to take in my surroundings. Both of the deans were in the office, along with my counselor. As soon as I snapped back into reality, my eyes were glued to the carpeted floor beneath me. 

The first question they asked me was, "Do you know why you're here?" I responded instantly with a yes, and started to apologize for the mistake I made. They then started to question me about what happened, and...that's when it really kicked in; I had made a stupid choice. We shouldn't have been in that bathroom. 

Mainly, I think they were trying to make sure that he didn't force me to do anything, which he didn't. I fully consented this, and I made that really clear. 

They gave me a lecture about how that was a public bathroom, and we shouldn't have done that in there; stuff like that. At this point, I was on the brink of tears. I remember exactly what I said at that point; "Sir, if I may; I think I'm usually a good person. I never expected to get called down to the dean's office, or really get in trouble at all in high school. Honestly, this was bad judgment on both of our parts, and I swear that I will never be in this office for something like this again." 

They responded with, "Yeah, I get that. We don't even know who you are." They sent me out, and I wanted to sit next to him. But, the lady in the reception desk near us yelled at me and told me to sit down by her. 

All the while, I held back tears. I couldn't even look at him, or anything. All I could do was memorize the pattern of the carpet beneath my feet. The really sad thing about this whole situation; the carpeting was REALLY boring. 

I...I felt like a slut. That feeling won't leave me anytime soon. Eventually, they called me back in there and gave me a Saturday detention slip. I hated that yellow piece of paper SO much. 

I was sent out of the office, but I requested to speak with my counselor before I went back to class. I sat down in those crappy office chairs, waiting for my counselor to bring me to her office. While I was sitting there, trying not to cry, he came up to me with the same yellow slip clenched in his hand. As soon as I tried to speak, I started to actually cry. He tried to make me feel better, but I don't think anything could have really made me feel better at that point. I told him to go back to class, and that I would be fine. He left, and I was alone again. 

All the while, everyone in the office was staring at me, with sad looks on their faces. I wished that they would just shut up and leave me alone. 

My counselor eventually pulled me into her office; as soon as I sat down, I started crying. I didn't stop crying for a full ten minutes. After that, we had a long talk that made me feel somewhat better. She told me that everyone was just looking out for my safety and that everyone makes mistakes at times. Eventually, after about 45 more minutes of me just sitting in there, talking about whatever I wanted to talk about, I felt ready to go back to class. She wrote me a pass, and I walked up the stairs to my Spanish classroom. I felt so weak and tired. 

I got through my Spanish final and went home. My father...he wasn't as angry as I thought he would be. He just seemed tired, as I was. 

Me and the guy called for a while afterward. We talked about both of our experiences. He was the one who made me feel better, in all honesty. It made me feel like I wasn't alone, and we both got punished today. Also, we joked about what would have happened if we were doing something worse in that bathroom. 

My parents talked to me later that day. It was the most awkward yet comforting conversation I have ever had. They seemed almost amused at how torn up I was about this, and said that they just want me to make good decisions. They also said that they don't agree with me dating this guy, but they know I'm probably going to do it anyways. My mom also brought up the fact that she will start taking me for birth control shots after this.

Right in front of my dad.

My dad left REAL quick.

I still don't feel great about what I did, but it doesn't feel like the end of the world anymore. At least I had someone to share this beautiful day with!

WOAH 914 WORDS!