#INSPIRE

I'm Sorry...

I know I haven't posted in a long time. The last time I posted, I think I was still in middle school!

Anyways, the reason I haven't posted in a while was stress. I thought summer would get better, but it's seemed to have only gotten worse for me.

People are putting a lot of pressure on me lately, to be happy, to do things, to put on a mask, and to overall be perfect. If I'm not perfect, I get yelled at. If I try to tell someone about it, I get yelled at and people say I'm dramatic.

I don't know, maybe I am.

It feels like the world is happening without me, and I'm just, well, waving through a window.

Also, my self-image has gotten the better of me lately. I'm really self conscious now, and I try to hide from everyone a little more.

It just feels like everything is always coming at me, all at once. Every second, a new thing happens, and it turns my world upside down. I avoid people's glances of hatred and confusion.

When I got out of school on May 23rd, I thought all of my problems would be gone, and I would finally be happy.

NOPE.

My boyfriend and best friend is possibly switching churches, my littlest brother broke his foot, my dad hasn't been the best because of that, my friends sometimes seem to have moved on without me, and I've just felt so alone.

It almost feels as if every time I try to pick myself up, a new thing pulls me under.

Every day, it's getting harder and harder to breathe.

Every day I feel more and more alone, I just don't know what to do.

I'm in therapy, I talk to my mom, I take meds, and I vent my feelings in every way possible.

Why are things just seeming to get harder?

I wish my brain would just shut up.

I wish I could just take control of my life, rather than watching it play before me.

I wish I was normal.

However, I still do have them.

My friends, boyfriend, and family.

Although they all get on my nerves and make me anxious sometimes, they try to be there for me.

I tell myself that a lot when I can't fall asleep at night, or when I'm upset about something that happened.

"At least THEY love you. That's all that matters."

That's all that matters.