School starts back today and dad is making me go, to see what happens and if today doesn't go well, I can be home schooled. I've had a shower, and just put in blue wash high waisted jeans and a black crop jumper and I straightened my naturally waving hair. Eli knocks on the front door and I run down the stairs to open it, letting him in.
" hello B "
"Hi "
" so your coming to school today " he smiles
"Yep, dad's making me"
"Today's going to be a good day, I promise "
Just like that we were out the door and halfway down the street, hand in hand ready to face it and all it's bitchieness. I'm scared to walk down the halls filled with people who hate me, my anxiety kicks in and I feel as if I'm about to have a panic attack, my chest tightens and I breath heavily. I'll drop to my knees and cry, I won't be able to calm myself down once I start. To make it all better, I have every class with her, so I can never escape her, only if I leave school, that's seems to be the Only way. If there were another I would love to know and don't say stand up to her because we've clearly discovered that I'm socially awkward and afraid, this is probably one of the things I'm most scared of. School isn't like singing, I hate being valnerable at school, but when I sing I couldn't care less who I let in, I just want them to know that I feel something, but I'm not that way when I'm not singing, if I show them my vulnerable side.
I'll get made fun of it for showing my emotions and get called a cry baby, when I'm not. If you show emotion or you get caught crying it doesn't make you weak or a cry baby, it makes you human and it shows your deeper than what you let off. Frankly I believe if you never show any emotion, there might be something your hiding or you feel numb, or there's just the possibility that your not that type of person who likes to show emotions and that's fine. I don't know, and I know I'm confusing, I'm confused myself with what I just said. Is it bad I want today to go bad, so I never have to go back, only for graduation, then never see any of them ever again. I can't wait for that day to come, where I get away from them and be living my dream, which I can only hope that I have a career in singing or at least be a songwriter even if it's for other people .
Can't really see myself in a job that doesn't have anything to do with music and this is a big dream and if, I would like all this to happen with Eli by my side. I know I'm only 15 and Eli is my first boyfriend and that I have my life ahead of me to find the right one, I've heard all that bullshit. This may seem clingy but I'm far from that, anyway I can see a furture with Eli, yes we haven't been dating that long, but I know Eli like the back of my hand and he knows me, we grew up together so how could we not know each other so well. Just knowing what I've just said, I seem so naive, lack of experience and I dream to big, but some if the things I've had to go through, I feel as if I'm ready for anything and am full of experience for some aspects of life. I know I've gone way off topic from school. What I have to say to that is all well, it got my mind off of school for a little. Which reminds me, I'm walking into the gates of hell and about to come across satin herself or altleast the child of satin. I just keep thinking to myself, just keep walking and she may not notice you or say anything if she does see me, but I was wrong, very wrong.
At lunch I tried to get away and what do I get Emma now embarrassing me infront of the whole cafeteria.
"ARE YOU GOING TO CRY LAWSON, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO HOME TO YOUR MUM OR WAIT SHE'S SIX FEET UNDER, WERE YOU SHOULD BE, AND YOU CAN'T GO TO YOUR DAD BECAUSE HIS JUST A SICK DRUNK!!!. just like here and now at home, you have no one. No one loves you, no one likes you. We just tolerate you because we have to, if I could I would get you the rope and barrel and help you hang yourself. " she took it to far, she just brings back all the thoughts I've had about ending it all.
(I'm sorry if that may have triggered anyone or offended anyone, that wasn't my intention it's to show more of who Emma is )
Words hurt, more then what she can imagine, I stand infront of her as still as I've ever been,unable to move, or let a word escape my mouth. Next thing I know her drink poured over my head and running down the side of my body, just adding to the tears streaming down my face and mixing into the fizzy drink. She walks away but me, I can't move still, I'm just stuck, it's not intill a teacher walks over to my soaking body to pull me away to the bathroom, as I sob.
"Bailey, you should have came to us" she looks at me sympathetically, but I know she doesn't really care, it's her job to, if she weren't a teacher in this school and she saw this happen in the street, she would have walked right past without a care in the world or a single worry. So why would I tell her anything when I know she don't care. The only person I feel comfortable talking to would be the school councillor, odd I know but it feels like she really does care unlike the teachers that surround me and yell at every student for no reason. I just want to go home, not talk to anyone or be seen, but the teacher didn't let me, she just made me change and go to music. The one class I feel as if I could escape, only if Emma weren't there. I go to my gym locker and grab the spare pair of clothes I keep in there and start changing.
"Lawson can I come in" I hear elis voice.
"It's a girls locker room Eli, but no one is in here and there aren't any classes so sure " once I said that he opens the door slightly and pokes his head through before walking in and sitting next to me. He grabs my hand and rubs circles with his thumb and I place my head on his shoulder, we just sit there in silence. I didn't want to talk and he knew that, what we both also knew that it was time for music class. We get up and walk into the music room. I take a deep breath in and out and just walk right in and take a sit at th back of the clas.
"Okay we have two hours today and there's only ten of you so will be able to see all your performances. As you all know you had to write a song over summer holidays and I'm excited to hear them."
I'm last to sing and I'm glad cause I never wrote a song, I couldn't there was to much on my mind. But I'll have to come up with something. An hour and a half goes by and it's finally my turn, I pick up a guitar and start sing
". The first thing I wouldn't say to you
If you let me back in your life
Would it make up everything What I put you through
And would it make everything alright
Until you put everything in a new light
Now the worst Times I've, it seems like best time of my life
In hindsight,
We were just ordinary fools
Waking up, stretching out, doing whatever
You can look it up, no you can't learn it at school
It's just a lesson, that will last forever
It's just a lesson that will last foreverrr"
"That was amazing Bailey, what else do have, would love to hear" the teacher smiles, this time
" I'm not that girl from before
I've lost my way
I'm crawling blind on the floor
I breath in, emotion filling my lungs
I can sing
My sharpest wipens my tongue
I can sing x3
There's no fear anymore
I can try, I can fly, I can sore
I breath in, emotion feeling my lungs
I can sing x3"
"Thank you miss Lawson, you passed with flying colours " her praise doesn't help the hole I'm sinking into, I decided to skip next session and just walked out the gate of school and went home. Stright up to my room and cried myself to sleep, I'm never going back.
Ever.
YOU ARE READING
Everything She Was (Sequel to After everything We've Been Through )
FanfictionAfter a tragedy, after the pain and hurt, The now 14 year old Bailey has to face the world without her mother. 10 years to be exact and Jack has had to be there for her the way Bella couldn't. Bailey has crush, has a voice and wants to fa fill her m...
