Everything She Was (Sequel to After everything We've Been Through )

Finding My Voice In The Darkness

Darkness, it surrounds and makes us clear our heads, it causes us to stair at blank wall when you can't sleep. This time the darkness isn't surrounded by my scary thoughts, like it was for Bella, it's purely because I can't sleep. I lay flat on my back starring at my ceiling though it wouldn't be any different if I were looking at the wall, on my right or left or even the one behind me. There all the same, because the darkness consumed them, but when the light shines through my window curtains the darkness hides away, afraid of the light  glowing through, showing it's a new day and we have to wake up eventually. I can see through the gap in my curtains, elis light is still on and his at his desk talking to someone, our rooms are across from  each other. We occasionally shout back and fourth but we don't have a balcony, so there's no climbing over whenever we feel like it. I've been laying here wide awake for what seems like forever but only has been two hours. I'm not sure why I can't sleep, there's nothing to keep me awake or is there, I just haven't figured it out yet, then to think about it, I have a lot to think about and the darkness isn't clearing my head, it's making me bring up all the stuff I hide away. My insecurities, even though they stick out like a sore thumb, my concerns and worries, what I'm going to sing for music class. I hear my phone ringing and I answer it even if it's 1am in the morning .

"Hey b, why you starring at your ceiling "

"How do you know ?"

"Cause you always do and I can see you sitting up and down, tossing and turning "

"Why are you up this late, spinning around in your wheelie chair"

"I can't sleep either, I'm just sitting in silence but nothing, no thoughts or questions, just silence"

"Maybe the silence is a good thing, cause all I've ever wanted was the quiet to come, no that it has,I don't know what to do "

"Maybe the the so called quiet isn't for you, after all this time"

"Maybe" I bite my lip.

"You know we have school tomorrow B"

"I'm not going back Eli, knot after yesterday, dad knows and he agreed of rme not to go back, she said I should hang my self and that she would help me" I can feel tears forming.

"You want me to come over and I can stay with you intill you fall asleep ?"

"Can you stay with me for the rest of the night please" he hangs up and five minutes later his climbed up the side of the house and came into my window and come under the covers, wrapping me in his arms.

"I love you Besson "

"I love you to Lawson " he kisses my lips softly, pulling away and placing his head next to mine as I put one hand on his chest. And the the other rest on my stomach. I close my eyes drifting onto a deep sleep.

//Time Jump \\

I wake up to an empty bed and when I check the time I know why, besson went to school and has been there for two hours. I walk done the stairs to be greeted by my dad and breakfast waiting for me, I sit at the kitchen island and start eating.

"How do you feel today B"

"A lot better, knowing I don't have to go back"

"I went to the school earlier and grb your books and everything you lifted behind, so we don't have to go back"

"Thank you dad, it means a lot to know you care"

"I will always care about you Bailey, no matter what choices you make, I will always support you, your my daughter and I love you "

I get up from my chair and hug him tightly. Once I finish breakfast I go up to my room, to start class, I'm two hours behind but I mange to finsh both  lessons in an hour. They were easy, now what use to be my favourite hour of a school day, music, we have to compose a song, but it's a duet. I can see who got paired up with who, Eli got paired up with a new girl and I only know that because, I've never heard her name in my music class before. That's the only  pair I really care about, I hope they do well, I have an email from my music teacher saying my can either be a solo or a diet because I'm home schooled it's up to me.

From my room, I can hear my dad singing, which he hasn't done for awhile, well mostly since Why don't  we broke up, when I was eight he would sing me to sleep, because I had another nightmare. Mainly about not having my mum, it would calm me down and help me sleep. But he stopped, he found it hard to continue singing without my mum, even though the band continued on, once they stopped being a band he had no reason to continue singing. That part of his life was kinda shut off and forgotten about in his eyes and world, we don't talk about that part of him. He still supports me and my singing, helps me where he can but anything besides that, I haven't heard his voice since. I wonder what brought this on, I walk down the steps softly trying to be as quiet as I can so he doesn't hear me, I sit at the bottom and listen, his playing his guitar also.

"You fall to the floor again
Won't stop you feeling
That no one understands
The pain you carry in your hands

You tried to let it out
Red tears come pouring down
You've cut off everyone you love
It stings as you regret
No way that you'll forget
If you do it time and time again

I'll erase your scars

Stay strong
Stay strong
So you feel like you're lost
But you're not a ghost
You're not alone
And I see your heart the way it glows
Every knife back you take life gets harder to face
Stay strong
I'll be your rock, I'll be your hope
Love you through your skin and bones
When you're losing hope
Stay strong

Your reflection feeds a flame
Self worth burns away
Rekindle what you are
The past won't get you far
Throw all your doubt into the fire

I'll erase your scars

Stay strong
Stay strong
So you feel like you're lost
But you're not a ghost
You're not alone
And I see your heart, the way it glows
Every knife back you take life gets harder to face
Stay strong
I'll be your rock, I'll be your hope
Love you through your skin and bones
When you're losing hope
Stay strong

Bandages fix the surface
(Stay strong)
But I'll be the blood circling in you
(Stay strong)
Won't let you escape yourself
Hold you together I will
(Stay strong)
I will, I will
Erase your scars

Stay strong
I will
Erase your scars"

He sang the song  he wrote for my mum, the song that you guys saw Eli and I sing, but it has so much more emotion when my dad sings it. You can feel and hear, so much pain and hurt in his voice, I know he has tears in his eyes, cause his voice is shaky, but he kept singing and I couldn't help but get lost in his voice. I missed hearing him sing, cause when he sang he was the happiest he  had ever been.

"It's good to hear you've got your voice back " I smile as my dad turns around.

"You weren't suppose to hear that"

"Then close the door, but I'm glad I did, I missed hearing you sing dad. Bu what made you ?"

"I've been in the dark so long, I'd kept that part of my life locked away and told myself to never open the safe again. But I found my voice in the darkness "

I think he just missed it and he sang because it's what Bella and him shared as a passion. He did  it because it's keeps my mum's memory alive. He lost his voice but then he found it again, I hope he doesn't lose it ever.