Everything She Was (Sequel to After everything We've Been Through )

An explanation

In six weeks I'll be finished at the school I'm currently going to and after holidays it's a brand new school. It's gonna be like that for a lot of us, I know, but one thing you should know about me. Is that I don't deal with change very well, I'm terrified about my current friend groups. Being lifted on my own with no one, getting lost and made fun of, also for the last two to three weeks I haven't felt like myself, not wanting to do anything, to get out of bed was a Challenge. My one escape we're my mind was clear, is no longer a place to go because I just get overwhelmed. I can never have a clear head, I worrie so  much about everything little thing, I had a break down in class because I'm in such a bad mental state and so overwhelmed with school work. I feel like I'm drowning or no one can hear me scream, as bad as this would sound is that I don't want to write. I've been writing the same chapter for two weeks not getting anywhere, only five hundred words and a massive amount of writers block. I know this sounds like excuses but I just want to be honest, because writing is one of  the things. I stress over and worrie about , making sure you guys have a chapter to read so your not mad at me, or you stop reading my book. You guys believe in me more then I believe in myself and I don't want to let you down. But this is probably the lowest I've ever been, and I just want everything to stop, I want the things at home to go away, the thoughts in my head to go, I want this fricken writers block to fuck off. I don't want people to say take as much time as you need because you guys deserve more then that. I keep making you have to wait so long, it's not  fair to you guys, I was getting better and everything I've tried hiding away or that went away just dumped itself back on my shoulders, everything just becoming heavy again. I don't know  what's wrong and I'm scared to ask for help, because my mum won't do anything about it. Why can't the world just stop spinning infront of  me and not be so dark anymore. Also with the hate, I even posted something about it and I'm still getting hate.

I write what I do with a purpose, it happens for a reason and for it to have another outcome. Don't come into my messages and tell me what I'm doing wrong when you don't even write on wattpad. It's easy to say ignore the haters, I would love it to be easy, it's not. It gets to me because I believe I've failed in the one thing I have left to love and that's writing. Don't take that away from me to, cause I'm already doing that to myself. I've had my dad taken away from my life, He decided to leave, I've had my hope the thing I believed in more then anything and my smile taken away. Don't you dare come on here and take writing away from me. Believe what you want about me, that I'm a drama queen, over dramatic maybe I am. I'll never know, suggestions are fine but rude remarks putting others down, people on watt pad don't write and work there butts off for you to put them down. I'm a fifteen year old kid with feelings, like everyone young or old.
Thank you to the people who are so loving and caring. The Chapter that I just posted is  the chapter I struggled with, I like to write my chapters two weeks ahead before I post them . I do this because I like to step away from them and come up with new ideas I have, things I want to change. And thennormally to the end or the start of  the week I post them. But this chapter I'm not  proud of it and it reflects that, I tried and at least there's something for you to read.

I only write and post these types of things on here because on wattpad I'm seen, I'm heard. I'm noticed not  just another face in the crowd. If I were to post this on my Instagram people would judge me and look at me weirdly, this is the one place  We're I feel like I belong. Where I matter and it gives me a purpose to get out of bed, I don't write this so you feel sorry for me. I write this not for you, but for myself and to anyone who feels the way I do.

-Paige