Everything She Was (Sequel to After everything We've Been Through )

She Lived With The Fire Of Music Inside Her

It's been four weeks, there's still the divide between Bailey and I, she won't speak to us, ignores text messages. I just want my daughter. Back, things with the baby have gotten worse, I could be days away from losing him , or even seconds. Doctors say it would be a miracle baby.

"Bella"

"Yeah"

"Everything will be okay, the baby will make it, Blue will be a big brother and Bailey will come around "

"She hates me, she said I should have never came back. You didn't hear the pain and frustration in her voice " 

"She's a teenage girl what do you expect, but I'll admit she's never acted this way. Space is good for the moment just let her be and she'll  come around. "

"Yeah, I'm gong for walk"

I get up from the chair I'm sitting in and walk out the front door, I end up pretty far from home, near the grave yard. I went to my mums and saw one  I never  expect to see, my own grave stone. It was never diggin  up or replaced, no one bothered opening it because they knew nothing was in it.

"Here lays, Bella Lawson, be loved mother, daughter, sister and wife. She lived with the fire of music inside her."

I trace my finger over the writing, every word, every letter, punctuation and all. In all the time I've been back I never thought I would be here, looking at this. I never thought people would just leave it here and not care about an empty grave.

"I used to look at that to, remember what I did, to make you end up there but here you are." That voice, that slight rasp, a voice I grew up with.

" hey Bella"

"YOU HURT BAILEY AND MADE ME MISS OUT ON 10 YEARS, HOW COULD YOU"

" I  severed my time B"

"What are you doing back here?"

"I live here Bella, what are you doing here your suppose to be dead"

"So were you "

"Why can't you leave well enough alone Alice"

"You should know me I can't, pregnant again I see, how many pregnancies is that, eight slut can't keep her hands off of people."

I walk away, not needing her shit and drama to follow. She should be in my past and stay that way not in my present.

Bailey's pov

I almost got eliminated last week, it's week six only two more before the finals, the whole happy up beat thing isn't working  for three weeks I've been in the bottom three. I tried so hard to make it work, the first week I tried and fail, I said to Bea let's try again I didn't give up withnthe idea. But I got lucky and I might not be so lucky next time. So it's back to sad and heartbreaking. It's just who I am and what I'm good at, this week Bea wanted me to sing Breathe, just me on that stage no fancy background, just a spot light and back up singers, not even a backing track. I'll be playing the piano everhting will be down to  me and that scares me. It makes my heart rate quicken and my body temperature to rise and not fall. Eli was sent home by me, we had a sing off and I won, he was heart broken, but his head wasn't in it, you could clearly tell. He needed to go home, to just be with Corbyn, to forget about me and the feelings he has for me, I need to forget feelings I have for him. Eli and I will never be together again, we didn't work, we just hurt eachother.

"Hey Bea"

"Hey, you ready to blow the judges away this week "

"Hopefully "

"You all good about Eli going home"

"It's weird, but I'm okay we're so close to the end, I just need to focus that's it."

"We're going to make it, now your song you sent me, you don't need to make any changes. It's perfect the way it is, but when you perform it. It's obviously very stripped back to hear the rawness in your voice. Because when you get emotional when you sing, something beautiful happens to your voice. It's like you live with the fire of music inside you."

" no pressure"

"I believe in you, you just have to believe in yourself."

I use to, I don't know what happend to myself beilf, where it went and how do I find it. It's somewhere hidden away with my courage.