Everything She Was (Sequel to After everything We've Been Through )

How Many Times

After we grieve the dead, we tend to try and move on, but we can't seem to. Her room may be gone but Christina still sits there and cry's, I've tried everything to get her out of there but she won't budge. I'm passed worried and concerned, I don't even know what I am but I am it. My daughter, lost but never forgotten, even though my nickname was bean, she was my little bean, full of joy and happiness, just wanting to leave life to the fullest. Losing a child will never be easy, because you just don't lose your child, people lose there best friend , there sister, grandchildren, cousin people lose so much. You lose so much when someone dies and it's hard to expect there gone. It makes you think, How many more times do we have to go through this.

Bailey's pov

"Stop, give it back Blake don't you dare" he throws my towel,to hope as I try not to slip on the pool floor.

"It's cold please I want my towel, Hope please, I'll get you back " I plead as I shiver.

Reece stands nexts to me, wrapping his arms around my tummy lifting me up and jumps into the pool.

"See you don't need your towel "

"You, george and Blake shouldn't be called New hope club, you should be called assholes because your all one"

"What did I do?" George joins the conversation.

"True just Reece and Blake then " I laugh as Reece splashes me with water. Today's our day off, no rehearsals, meetings, but I I.D have a phtotshoot for my opening when I perform, my name and stuff. But for now we're just relaxing and hanging around the pool. Hope, myself Eli and New hope club decided to go for a swim, it's early in the morning still so we have a day of exploring also. Intill I leave at Six thirty. Taylor went home cause I'm like four, to six hour drive from home, he didn't bring anything to sleep in so. I don't know, we're just in a weird place with our relationship. I feel like I just keep saying that over and over, like a broken record , truth be told I probably am one.

Things about Mckenzie's death are still playing on our minds, Eli especially, he lives in a Moment but goes back to total sadness, like how I was. His exactly the same way I was, lived for the Moment but when that moment passed happiness faded away. When i thought Mum was dead, every happy thing that happened I would go, I wonder if Mum would enjoy this as much as I do. Those thoughts putting me back in my dark place. He had that moment today, he was laughing at the fact Blake had my towel and it took him back to when Mckenzie did the same thing to him. Eli was about to say my sister Mcken- and he stopped, sad expression plastered on his face. I wonder if this how Eli felt, when I was going through my own shit, as I do for Eli, I just want to wrap him in a blanket and shelter him from this nasty thing we call the world. I want to tell him it will be okay but I can't because I don't know if it will be, I want to do so much to help him, but what can I do.

"Hey, what just happened, you spaced out"

"Just shit that's happening "

"Hopefully it passes"

"Me too Reece me too" I say as I get out of the pool, wrapping myself in my towel that they gave back, sitting in a pool chair. I haven't spoken to Mum or dad, to be honest I can't deal with them at this very moment. I'm over their bullshit, there adults so why don't they act like them, Blue he keeps calling me heartbroken, I can't go home today cause I have that photo shoot , so I will have to save little Blue from the torture that is my house tomorrow. Which a three year old toddler shouldn't know how to use a phone, to call someone , but he does.

Bella's pov

I'm on speaking terms with Jack but I'm in the guest room, keeping my distance. Where trying for the sake of Blue and the baby on the way, if he or she makes it, I'm six weeks along but I'm already have difficulty, doctors are saying my body may not be able to handle to carry another baby. I'm worried, I'm not ready to lose this baby, as weird it is to say, I love being pregnant and carrying a child. But to know this could be my last, well I already knew this baby would be my last because of my age and it may not make it.