Everything You Are - Brendon Urie *completed* (part 2/3)

seventy-seven: if you don't let it out, you're gonna let it eat you away

I was so beyond upset the entire weekend without Brendon. I wanted to be with him so badly. It hurt me more than anything in the world to see the look on his face as I was closing the door to shut him out again, and I'd been put into a coma from a terrible car accident with head trauma and several broken bones, including ribs. But I knew that all the fighting we were doing with each other wasn't healthy for either of us. I was hoping that this break would help me sort out my thoughts and Brendon realize how much of an asshole he'd been lately. I never had the intentions for us to breakup completely. Not once.

And going back to school wasn't a walk in the park either. In fact, maybe it was worse. At least over the weekend I could sit in my room and not have to face anyone, talk to anyone or deal with anyone. The moment I walked through the doors to the school and up to my locker, I looked across the hallway to see Brendon standing with Dallon, dark circles under his eyes that made him look as though he hadn't slept in days. I looked away quickly, a pain settling in my chest at the sight of it, knowing I'd done that to him. It hurt too much to look at him, so I decided I wouldn't look at him at all. I couldn't let my weakness get the best of me this time.

"Hey," I looked up from my locker to see Josh was standing there with a small smile on his face.

"Hi," I managed to smile a little back, but I knew that he could see right through it. No matter what I tried, I couldn't manage to make myself look presentable at all that day.

"Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?" he asked as I closed my locker and turned to face him completely. I wanted to say no, make an excuse about a large amount of homework I had or something, but I knew that shutting myself in my room even more wasn't going to help me at all. And as much as I hated the fact that all I ever seemed to do was dump problems on Josh, maybe talking to him would help me sort things out even a little bit for the time being.

"Sure," I said, adjusting my bag on my shoulder and walking with him towards my first period class.

I did go over to his house right after school actually, sitting in his living room with him doing homework. His parents weren't home yet and we worked through it, he helped me with my math homework and the inevitable eventually got brought up.

"I know about what happened between you and Brendon," Josh said, closing up his binder after we'd finished our homework and stuffing it into his backpack.

I stayed silent, not sure what else to say.

"I just want you to know that I'm here for you," he said, sitting back on the couch next to me. "Dallon told me about everything."

I nodded, sighing a little and folding my hands in my lap. "How is he?"

"Brendon?" he asked and I nodded. "I talked to Dallon this morning and he said yesterday when he went to spend some time with Brendon he was just a mess. A total wreck."

I frowned, looking at Josh in the eyes. "I really just need some space, I hope he understands that. I love Brendon with all of my heart but it's just not a good time for us to be around each other."

"It's okay, Charlie," he said, reaching out and putting his hand on my arm. "I understand completely. You don't have to justify yourself to me."

Josh's mother was sweet as always, made dinner for us and offered to play a game but I really needed to just go home, as much as I loved spending time with Josh and his family.

I went to settle into bed early, not wanting to deal with my emotions and hopefully to get enough sleep for once. Right as I was snuggling under my covers, I received a text from Dallon with the phone number about the counseling sessions he was encouraging me to go to. I decided I'd call them tomorrow, considering it was already late in the evening and I couldn't mentally face that much all in one day.

Muffin snuggled up with me as I tried to sleep, probably sensing how upset I was. I eventually dozed off into a light, uneasy sleep after what seemed like hours.

-

*Brendon's Point of View*

"Brendon?" Dallon's long fingers snapped in front of my face and I blinked a couple times, looking up at him from where I was staring my notebook in front of me. He sighed and sat back down next to me.

"I'm sorry," I said, still fidgeting with the pencil in my hands and rubbing my eye.

"Hey, she'll come around." Dallon put his hand on my shoulder and I sighed and set my pencil down on my notebook.

"I just don't understand why she shuts me out all the time," I said, going over everything in my head over and over again. It almost felt ridiculous. Not ridiculous that I loved Charlie that much, but that I had fallen so deeply in love with her that now that she wasn't a part of my everyday life, I had practically forgotten how to function as a human being without her.

"Brendon, listen to me," Dallon said, and I turned to face him. "Charlie shows very frequent signs of depression."

"What do you mean?" I asked. I knew Charlie got upset about things but I never saw her as being depressed. She'd never see herself as being depressed. She was strong, and she would look at that as being weak even though it wasn't.

"The lack of interest in everything, shutting people out, locking herself in her room for days at a time, not doing much of anything to be productive, having trouble sleeping at night, not eating much, they're all very real signs of depression," Dallon said. "I've seen it before, in myself as well as friends that I've had before. She needs to get it figured out before she can focus on the burden of an entire relationship."

I rubbed my eyes again. God I wish I hadn't taken this issue so lightly. I felt so fucking stupid for getting upset over something so petty compared to all of this. I really had no clue what Charlie really went through. I always knew it was like this and I thought we could both handle it. Apparently I'd been mistaken.

"She isn't like... suicidal or anything is she?" I asked quietly, even the thought of it scared the shit out of me.

"I can't say yes or no because I don't know what she thinks about--honestly I don't think anyone knows what goes on up with her head--but I can tell you that she hasn't said anything or given anyone the impression that she would be," he replied. "And you know Charlie. She almost died once and I don't think she'd want to go through that again."

I rested my chin in my hand, messing with the strings hanging from the hole in the knee of my jeans. Dallon put his arm around me, pulling me to lean against his chest and I gladly leaned into his embrace.

"Just give her some space, she won't stay away from you forever," he said. "She's in love with you, Brendon. Just try to focus your energy into something positive, like writing music or even doing schoolwork."

I sighed against his shoulder and stayed leaning against him for another moment, trying to believe what he was telling me. Things wouldn't be like this forever, I knew that. But that didn't make it suck any less now. I was trying to stay positive, believe me. But I knew I wasn't going to be getting much sleep that night.

-

A/N: again i love dallon weekes he is An Actual Dad Friend™