The remainder of January seemed to slip right past me, and I was hardly able to realize it. I finally started really looking at the college acceptance letters I'd received and put into a drawer to save for when my mental health was stable enough to actually look through them, and became slightly overwhelmed with the ridiculously important decision regarding my entire future loomed over me. My father moved out of our house and began staying in an apartment, and I had to go visit him on weekends, usually for a few hours on Saturdays. My counseling sessions were only a couple weeks out from being over, and although it may have seemed like things were really sucking, it felt like they were finally going back on track for once.
Since both of my parents were useless with helping me decide what college I wanted to go to, I talked to Dallon and Brendon about it more than anyone else. Dallon was especially helpful, surprisingly knowing a lot about how choosing colleges worked. He explained to me that because he had anxiety, especially about the future, he had gone out of his way to learn as much as he could about colleges. He had made the decision already to take classes at the community college for a couple years after graduation before he decided what he really wanted to do with his life.
Ultimately, I ended up deciding to go to the university in town, already having been accepted. I sent in the acceptance fee and confirmed my acceptance to it, feeling relieved to have it figured out. Brendon wanted to rest on it a little while longer before deciding what he wanted to do as well. He was really looking at this college a couple hours away, which made me nervous but I wanted to be as supportive of him as possible.
Brendon told me that he had Valentine's Day plans for us this year that didn't just involve him sneaking into my room with Chinese food and roses. However, all he said was that he was picking me up at 6:30 in the evening and to dress nicely. Of course, my mother was quick to ask me about what type of plans I had with Brendon for Valentine's Day during breakfast one morning.
Jason and I were sitting and eating the waffles she'd made while she sat with us, looking through the newspaper. She seemed oddly happy and chipper that morning.
"So Charlotte, what are you and Brendon doing for Valentine's Day this year?" she asked, setting the newspaper down and sipping her coffee, looking at me over the top of her secretary-looking reading glasses.
"I actually don't know," I said.
"He hasn't planned anything?" she asked, looking slightly concerned.
"Oh he has, he just told me that he's picking me up at 6:30 and to dress nicely," I said.
"Charlie that's fantastic! He probably has a lovely, romantic evening planned out for the two of you," she said, putting her coffee cup down. "Why don't we go shopping today for a dress for you to wear?"
"Okay I'm going to be honest, mother, you know I hate shopping right?" I said, putting my fork down.
"I know, but I just wanted to spend some time together," she said, shrugging a little. "Maybe we could go get pedicures or something too."
I wondered if my mother was just trying to get on my good side again, but a pedicure did sound pretty nice with all the stress I'd been under lately.
"Okay," I agreed and she smiled.
"I'll finish these dishes from breakfast and we can go, alright?" she said, and I nodded as she got up and went into the kitchen. I looked at Jason across the table, who just said laughing to himself.
"Is she acting weird to you?" I asked.
"I don't know, but this is better than what it has been around here," he shrugged and took his plate into the kitchen. I realized he had a really good point.
My mother and I went to the mall and found a nice dress for Valentine's Day with Brendon, one that wasn't too churchy but also not too slutty either. We went to get pedicures afterwards, sitting with our feet in the tubs and with the massage chairs turned on. I sighed and leaned back against it, it didn't actually do that much help as far as massaging actually went but the hot water on my feet felt nice.
My mother was talking to me about work for a little while and I only kind of understood what she was saying so I was only half listening, but I tuned in completely when she started talking about something else.
"I know you've been getting the short end of the stick lately, but I want you to know that I do love you and I just want you and Jason to be happy," she was saying. "And to be completely honest, I've been realizing a lot lately that I haven't been the greatest parent in the world and I want to do better at that, even if you are almost completely grown up."
"Please don't start getting sappy, mother," I said, trying to make light of the heaviness in the statement she'd just made.
"I know, I know," she said, taking a drink of her smoothie that we'd gotten before coming in to get our pedicures. "I also want to talk to you about Brendon, though."
"What about Brendon?" I asked.
"I just know that you and Brendon have been together for a long time now, longer than I'm aware of you being with anyone else, and I know that when I was a teenager, I did a lot of sneaking around behind my parents' backs--"
"Oh god, please don't do this right now, mother," I groaned, covering my face and rolling my eyes.
"I just want you to be safe!" she lowered her voice. "I really don't want you two having sex, but if you're going to, at least use a condom and be very careful."
"Thank you, I really needed some sex ed in the middle of a nail salon," I said, turning to my mother and hopefully putting an end to the conversation.
"That's all I'm saying!" she put her hands up in defense. "I just don't want you getting pregnant or catching an STD. It'll ruin your life."
"I'm aware. Can we talk about something else now?" I asked.
"Okay, okay," she said. "How's Dallon? He's been coming over a lot lately."
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A/N: this ended somewhat abruptly but I want to get to good shit so here's some updates hopefully I'll be able to post more this week <3
also: regarding Dallon leaving panic!, I don't want to talk about it and I don't want negativity regarding Dallon or Brendon at all so if you have anything to say about it, make sure it doesn't put either of them down or I'll delete your comments. that's all, thank you so much for reading and can i get a hell yeah for everyone who is excited for IDKHOW's new album and hopefully more music from Brendon in 2018 as well!!!
