Everything You Are - Brendon Urie *completed* (part 2/3)

eighty-seven: paying in naivety

Within a few days, we were back into school routines, this time actually with Brendon and going to counseling sessions every Wednesday. As much as it sucked, I did notice that talking about my feelings and addressing what I was feeling upset about helped a lot, and I felt better most of the time now that I had some sort of outlet for all the frustrations in my life. 

My counselor explained what was going on and why I was depressed. It wasn't because I had clinical depression, which is a chemical imbalance of hormones in your brain. It was because of what I was struggling with that caused me to just shut down and lock everyone out. Because it's not clinical depression, taking medication wouldn't help me at all. I was fine with that because I didn't want to be medicated anyway. 

I could tell Brendon was happy that things were back to normal, too. He was back to being his affectionate self, always holding my hand or putting his arm around me even just walking down the hallways at school, always asking me how I'm doing, asking about counseling, genuinely interested in what was going on in my life. Going to a counselor actually made it feel a lot easier to open up and talk to him about what bothers me rather than hiding it from him like I was. 

We spent a lot of time with Dallon, even I would hang out with him when Brendon wasn't around, sometimes smoking and giggling about bullshit, sometimes talking about music or what's going on in our lives (from my side mostly venting about my parents being frustrating about the divorce). It was nice being able to hang out with Dallon and have a good time, not worry about being upset because of Brendon and I. Things were going good for once. For the first time in a long time, even though things were pretty shitty, I had a pretty positive outlook overall. I knew things could only go up from here, and I was looking forward to seeing what might come next. 

Brendon suggested we should go on a double date with Dallon and Josh to go bowling, one thing I didn't think Brendon and I had actually ever done together. I wasn't too great at bowling, I mostly just tried my best and laughed at how awful I was, ignoring any pointers anyone gave me. Josh was the same way, even asking if we could get bumpers when we approached the counter. 

"No bumpers, I need to show you guys what a pro I am at bowling," Dallon said, smirking as he turned to the counter. The lady behind it looked at us skeptically, probably smelling the weed on us that we'd just smoked in Dallon's car. 

"You guys want a lane?" she asked. 

"Yeah," Brendon smiled. "We came here to bowl, not play in the arcade."

She glanced at Brendon, raising an eyebrow and entering something into the computer. "Lane 25 is open for you guys. What size shoes do you want?" 

"8," I told her, reaching down and slipping my adidas off, setting them on the counter. She looked at me confused. 

"Charlie, what are you doing?" Brendon asked. 

"Do you not take our shoes?" I asked.  

"No, I don't want them," the lady said, sliding a pair of bowling shoes across the counter to me. 

"On what planet does a bowling alley take your shoes from you?" Dallon laughed, leaning down behind my shoulder and taking my shoes from the counter and handing them to me.

"Any other bowling alley I've been to," I rolled my eyes and pushed him away. I heard him request a size 12 1/2.

"Are your feet really that big, Dallon?" I asked. 

"Yes ma'am," he turned and winked at me, taking the shoes from the counter. 

"In inches too," Brendon wiggled his eyebrows at Dallon and Dallon blushed, giving Brendon a slight shove before walking away quickly. I looked over at Josh, who appeared just as oblivious to the situation as I did. I went to turn back to Brendon but he had already taken his shoes from the counter and was following Dallon over to lane 25. 

Brendon sat at the computer and entered our names in, putting Dallon's as Daldo, Josh's as Jishwee, his own as Breadbag, and mine as Willy Wonka. 

"Brendon, what the fuck," I asked, and he just laughed at his own joke, finalizing all of our names and wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me to sit on the edge of his lap. 

"You're up first, Dal, show us your moves," Brendon said, nodding at Dallon. He stood and picked up his ball from the rack and lined up his feet, having great form up until he actually threw the ball down the lane--yes actually threw the ball, landing almost halfway down the lane before it landed, causing me to cringe thinking for sure it would cause a dent in the floor. It spun and curved slightly, angling just right to hit all the pins down and get a strike. Dallon's crazy technique distracted me too much to realize until later on that Brendon used a nickname on Dallon that none of us had ever used or heard before. 

"How did you do that?" Josh asked, practically gaping as Dallon turned around and practically strutted back to us.

"I'm a god," Dallon said, sitting down and taking a sip from my water. "Where's my burger?" 

"It's coming, they had to cut up a new avocado to put on it because it's fucking weird," Brendon said. 

"Putting avocado on a burger is not weird," Dallon said. "Avocados have lots of good fats in them which is important for skinny boys like me. You should eat more avocado, you scrawny asshole." 

"Maybe I should eat your ass instead," Brendon said. 

"Maybe you should," Dallon said, flipping him off. I rolled my eyes, slipping off of Brendon's lap as Josh walked back, just having gotten 7 pins down in 2 tries, allowing Brendon to take his turn. 

The rest of the time continued like this, Brendon and Dallon almost flirting with each other relentlessly, reminding me that I never got to the bottom of whatever was going on between the two of them when I got distracted with Brendon all of a sudden being an asshole about our relationship and then going to counseling and my parents getting divorced. There was even one point where Dallon started giving pointers to Brendon, standing behind him and showing him the right form to have, and then giving him a smack on the ass when he bowled a strike. 

"I don't even smack Brendon's ass," I said to Josh, noting how weird their behavior was. 

"He does it to me sometimes," Josh said. "Mostly when we're having sex though." 

"Josh!" Dallon looked at Josh with a look telling him to shut up and Josh just laughed.

It was weird that Brendon and Dallon always acted like there was something between them yet always denied anything there. I tried not to worry about it as much and still had a good time with them. It was pretty funny most of the time, and we were all having a good time together as friends. 

I sneaked over to Brendon's house that evening, and we cuddled and played video games for a little while, making out for a bit but both of us just generally too tired to do anything. I fell asleep in his arms, knowing that he's in love with me but still questioning what was really going on between him and Dallon. 

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A/N: happy new year you guys sorry I haven't been updating much, I work 2 jobs and don't get much time to myself anymore but I'm trying to write as much as I can, hope 2018 is full of lots of good fan fics and brendon content and positivity!! thanks for the reads and support always, good stuff is coming soon <3