Before I even knew it, I'd managed to mope my way to winter break through the last few weeks of school before then. I still hadn't spoken a word to Brendon. I was ready for school to not be weighing me down on top of everything else for a couple weeks, but also not ready to face dealing with all my emotions and not being able to use school as a distraction.
I shivered as I stomped the snow off of my shoes that had began to fall lightly outside, and I normally would have been happy about it but this dark cloud that had been sitting over my head since Brendon and I started our break couldn't allow me one second of enjoyment for the simple things that I used to find pleasure in.
No one was home, and I took off my shoes and jacket before heading back to my room and turning the thermostat up, snuggling in a blanket and turning Netflix on to try and distract myself. I didn't pay any attention to it though, because my thoughts were being clouded by the inevitable.
The realization started taking over about how fucked I was. My life was a wreck. My social life consisted of smoking with Josh or Dallon, which would sometimes end in me crying and them trying to tell me it was going to be okay, even though it sure as hell didn't feel like it. I thought about my boyfriend, whom I wasn't even sure was my boyfriend anymore considering we'd hardly looked at each other and hadn't spoken to each other in nearly a month. I thought about my family, and how I didn't know what was even going on anymore with them because it just seemed like lately all they were doing was pretending to be a happy, perfect family all over again. Nothing was changing. I was still stuck in the same endless cycle that I'd been in for years. I should have known it was too good to be true, finally working things out like a normal family. And just to top everything off, my counselor told me that I was definitely depressed.
Netflix wasn't doing anything for me, so I turned some music on to some indie band that Dallon listened to, something I'd finally found that didn't remind me of Brendon, and decided to try and paint for a little while. I didn't know how long I'd been sitting there trying to paint when I heard something out in the house and listened more closely to hear the sound of my parents out in the living room arguing. I sighed and turned my music up to drown them out, just further validating my reasons to be upset. I knew for a fact that at dinner everyone would pretend to be perfectly normal again.
After a while, my mother came and knocked on my door, informing me that dinner was ready and that I needed to turn my music down because it was too loud. When she left the room I rolled my eyes before I turned it off completely and went out to sit at the table with my family. The smell of weed lingered on Jason as he walked into the room and I knew he had just smoked, but neither of my parents seemed to notice at all as they brought the food into the room and set it on the table, an uncomfortable silence sitting among all of us. Something felt really off about tonight.
The silence continued as we all ate, and after a few minutes my mother turned to me as I was picking at my green beans.
"Charlie, how's school?" she asked.
"Fine," I shrugged. I really wasn't in the mood to feed into this pretending to be perfect bullshit. Not tonight. She continued to ask questions but I gave her minimal answers and she eventually gave up, asking Jason how his classes at the university were going.
"May I be excused?" I asked as I finished my plate.
"Not yet, we need to have a family discussion when we've all finished eating," my father said, and I sighed as I took my plate into the kitchen and sat back down at the table.
When everyone was finished and had put away the leftovers, Jason and I sat side by side at the table as my parents sat across from us, their hands folded in front of them. They looked at each other for a moment before my mother turned back to us.
"We just thought we should tell you guys," she started in a soft voice. "After a lot of consideration and trying to talk it out and figure out a solution, we've decided to get a divorce."
My heart dropped to my stomach as neither Jason nor I said anything in response for a moment. My father looked uncomfortable and my mother looked like she was debating on whether she wanted to say something else.
"I thought you were going to marriage counselling," I said finally breaking the silence.
"Charlotte, sometimes things don't always work out the way you want them to," my father said. "It's just not always meant to work that way."
"Then why the hell did you waste all this time giving all of us false hope in thinking that you two were actually going to work this out?" I snapped.
"We tried, sweetie, we really did--" my mother tried to say but I shoved myself up from my seat and stormed out of the room, hearing my father sigh as I slammed my door shut with shaking hands, trying to fight back the tears coming to my eyes.
After everything, all of the bullshit fighting they did and swearing not to separate because of what everyone else would think of them, they finally decide after they've fucked up our family enough to finally end it all. They couldn't have done it before we all suffered, no. That would have been way too convenient obviously.
I wiped my tears away continuously as I paced back and forth, trying to get my thoughts under control. I wanted to call Dallon, but I'd been bothering him so much lately, more than I ever wanted to. I decided I needed to just figure this shit out myself. It seemed like that's what everyone else did, I needed to get it together.
I took a deep breath and gathered my clothes to take a shower, hopefully to help ease myself and sort out my thoughts.
It helped for a little while, the shower making me stop crying for the time being. I got out, dried my hair and went back to my room, opening the window to try and get some fresh air. I climbed into my bed to try and fall asleep, but it didn't come. Before I knew it, I was crying again, everything fell apart all over again. Everything I'd been holding together the past month started crushing me and before I realized what I was doing, my shaky hands were opening up Brendon's contact and I was holding the phone up to my ear while tears continued to pour down my cheeks.
It only rang once before I heard the soft, sweet familiar voice saying through the receiver, concerned laced within all of it, just a simple, "Charlie?"
"Can you come over?" I asked, my voice breaking as I closed my eyes and another wave of tears flooded through.
"Yeah, of course," he said. "I'll be over as soon as I can."
I hung up and dropped my phone, holding my knees to my chest and sobbing, feeling completely useless. I had no energy to move, to speak, to do anything, even exist at that point. I didn't move from that position at all, not even when a few minutes later, Brendon was climbing through my window and shivering, closing it behind him. "Jesus Christ it's cold in here." He turned around to look at me, hesitant to approach the mess that I was in front of him.
"Can you just hold me and pretend that everything is okay?" I asked, and he nodded immediately, kicking off his shoes and climbing onto my bed with me, pulling me into his arms. I leaned into the familiar warmth of his chest as I continued to cry, and he rubbed my back, quietly hushing me as he rocked me back and forth and I tried to get my breathing under control.
Eventually, I didn't know how long it was exactly, the tears stopped flowing from my eyes, and I could tell it was only from dehydration. I nuzzled closer into Brendon's now tear soaked shirt and he rubbed my back again.
"What happened?" he asked.
"My parents are getting divorced," I whispered. "And that's just the tip of the iceberg."
He pulled away just long enough to reach next to my bed and hand me the glass of water sitting there. I drank it all before Brendon took it back and touched my face softly with his hand.
"Just try to get some sleep, okay?" he said, laying down and pulling me into his arms. I eventually did, but it wasn't easy.
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A/N: hello i'm about to work a 5 1/2 hour shift at work i just wanted to publish this now or i know i'd forget when i get off lmao thanks for reading my frans
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Everything You Are - Brendon Urie *completed* (part 2/3)
FanfictionSequel to Friends
