Everything You Are - Brendon Urie *completed* (part 2/3)

eighty-five: we are young again

When I made it to my own bedroom in the morning, I changed back into my usual boring underwear, throwing on a t-shirt and sweats, laying back in my bed and trying to sleep but unable to find it as I closed my eyes. I found myself laying with my eyes wide open staring at the ceiling, suddenly antsy about something. I sat up and looked around my room. It was too much of the same old thing. I couldn't take it anymore. Everything in my life was changing too much, this was getting uncomfortable. 

I started by putting on some music, quiet at first but I didn't realize I gradually started turning it up as the morning progressed and I moved the furniture in my room around, changing it up entirely. I moved my desk to the other side of my window, flipping my bed around almost completely, moving my dresser across the room and taking all the pictures, cork board, dry erase board and posters from my walls and leaving them down for the time being, deciding to figure something else out to do with them. I set them on my desk and looked around my room, an indent in my carpet from where my bed had sat in the same place for a few years, unmoving until just then.

I heard a knocking on my door and realized just how loud my music was. I turned it down and Jason opened the door, looking confused and slightly startled at my bedroom the way it was.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Are mother and father home?" I asked, ignoring his question as I continued taking down the pictures lining the edge of the door to my closet. 

"I don't think so, neither of their cars are in the garage. Nice hickey by the way, nice to know you and Brendon are back to normal," he replied, crossing his arms and nodding at my neck.

I turned to look in the mirror and rolled my eyes at the purple mark resting just above my collar bone. Why he insisted on leaving them in plain sight where either of our parents could find them would never make sense to me. 

"We all have our ways of coping with anger, okay?" I said, turning and sitting on my bed.

"You cope with anger by having sex? Doesn't sound like you."

"No, dipshit, why do you think I'm rearranging my room?" I said. "Besides, what Brendon and I do doesn't concern anyone else in this family."

He chuckled and walked into my room, sitting on my bed. "Why are you so angry? Isn't this what you wanted? For them to stop fighting all the time?"

"Yeah, but I assumed they'd just work things out, I don't know. It's stupid for me to think that, but it's different for you." 

"How is it different for me?" he asked, confused. 

"You're over 18, which means that when they start deciding living situations you'll get to choose where you want to live. I'm only 17, and I don't turn 18 for another 5 1/2 months which means they're going to fight over me like a warthog carcass between a bunch of lions," I said. "I don't want to deal with that, and I know that we're both going to get sucked into the middle of all of that. Not to mention there's a possibility that we'll all move out of this house and into separate ones, which means that I'm not even going to be close to Brendon or Josh anymore."

"Yeah, it all sucks and there's going to be sacrifices that we'll all have to make," he said. "But imagine how much happier all of us are going to be. We won't have to keep up this bullshit 'we're a perfect family' act anymore. Not that anyone even believes it from what happened last spring."

I didn't want to think about that either. I sighed and threw myself back on my bed. "It's just not fair." 

"You're right, especially to us," he said. "But you have friends, Charlie. You have Josh, Dallon, Robin and Brendon. And I know that they're all going to have your back through all of it. They always have." 

I stayed quiet, and Jason kept talking.

"You know, when you were in surgery after the wreck, Brendon didn't leave the waiting room at all during it. And when you were finally in recovery and we were able to visit you he only left your side to use the bathroom twice before you woke up. And Dallon stayed there almost all night, the only reason he left was because his parents made him, but as soon as school was over he came right back. If that doesn't tell you how committed they are to your well being then I don't know what will."

"I know, you're right. I just need to be upset about it for a while. Is that okay?" 

"Yeah," he shrugged. "I'm just saying, don't dwell on it forever. Eventually you're going to be glad that all of this is happening."

He got up and left without saying anything else and I sat in my room for a little while in the same spot, the music I'd left playing serving as background noise to my thoughts running aimlessly. I didn't want to admit that he was right, I just wanted to be upset. Things never truly worked themselves out in my life, it seemed. I was always getting stuck into one thing or another no matter how hard I worked for solutions. Now that I'd finally gotten Brendon back things were getting more tolerable but were not better by any means. 

Later in the day, long after I'd finished taking everything in my room down and was sufficiently sweaty and in need of a shower, Brendon called me and I picked up my phone and answered it.

"Hey, I was just thinking about you," I said, sitting on my bed and sighing. 

"Really? What about?" he asked.

"I don't know, just that I'm glad we're back together, officially," I said, shrugging even though he couldn't see me. "What's up?"

"Well I just wanted to call and check in, let you know that I haven't really stopped thinking about you today," he said, and I smiled a little, butterflies fluttering in my stomach like they always have with him. 

"That's all you wanted to call me about?" I asked.

"Well I also was wondering if you wanted to do something with me on New Year's Eve," he said. "Like, if you wanted to come walk around town with me, not some lame ass party again."

"Sure," I said. Spending an evening wandering around town with Brendon on New Year's Eve sounded nice. I wasn't in much of a party mood lately and it seemed like a good, chill way of spending the last day of the year

"Really? You're not going to whine and make me bribe you first?" he asked. 

"No, you're not dragging me to a party so I'm okay with it," I said, laughing a little. 

"Alright, sounds great," he said. "I have to go help my mom. She wants me to shovel the driveway because it's starting to snow again."

"Okay, no problem. I need to go take a shower anyway."

"Washing away our wonderful night?" he asked, sounding disappointed.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, because I'm not about to go out and face my family smelling like sex and depression." 

He laughed, a beautiful and lively sound that also brought a smile to my face. "Okay. I'll talk to you later tonight probably."

"Okay," I smiled back. "I love you."

"I love you so much." I hung up the phone smiling, setting it down on my bed before getting up to take a shower. This is how it was meant to be, Brendon making me smile and us being happy together. I was so grateful for how things were finally working out between the two of us that I almost forgot how unhappy I was about dealing with my family. 

-

A/N: okay i have no excuse except that i got a 2nd job and i worked through thanksgiving and black friday and haven't had hardly any days off ever since so i've been super stressed lately and no time to write because i literally just work, sleep and wrap christmas presents but HERE I AM okay no worries i've returned hopefully for at least a little while

i have another day off tomorrow so hopefully i'll be able to update again because i really miss writing so much ;(