Something New III (Completed)

Chapter 41

Angel.

Angel Noelle Porter.

Her name says it all. I named her that because she looked like one.

When Dr. Hawthorne came back later that night and explained to me, my mother, and Michael that Angel was basically fighting to stay alive because she was having trouble with breathing on her own. If they had not gotten her to the IC sooner, my little girl would have not made it.

Even though she's alive it is sad to witness her being in the incubator and looking at all the tubes that's hooked up to her. I can't hold her or touch her. She's only 4 pounds and she's needs all the nutrients she can get to reach 6 pounds. That's when I can take her home.

The nurses have been ruining tests these past two weeks on her and they have not found any birth defects such as down syndromes or anything. The only birth complication there is, is her being a preemie baby.

I blame myself for this. Every day I come and see her, I just sit and cry and realize how all of this could have been avoided and my baby girl wouldn't be suffering right now. Had I not gone over Michael's house that night and gave myself to him then I would have not gotten pregnant and my baby would have come at a later time in life.

When I'm mature and married with a career.

But it's too late for the what ifs and what I should have done. Angel is here and I have no choice but to grow up and be responsible for the decisions that I have made. Every action has a consequence for it.

Right now, I am the only person at the hospital visiting my baby. Both my mother and Shawn are at work right now. They think it is best to work these hours so that when Angel does come home they can take off work and be there to help me.

Michael is more than likely at home trying to convince his parents to come see the baby. He has been trying his best to get his parents to come up here and visit for about a week now. I told him that he couldn't force them to do anything they didn't want to do. It's upsetting that he's parents don't want to be a part of their granddaughter's life, but hey it's on them. They will be the ones missing out.

My father knows about me giving birth since I text him the other day. All he did was send a congrats and that was it. Despite me telling him that the baby was born premature and that it was a slim chance of her surviving. I don't know if he cared or not but it hurt my feelings that he was so nonchalant with his response. And he wonders why I will always choose Shawn over him.

My Nana has been up at the hospital with me as well. She rotates with my mother and Shawn so that someone can be at home with Sage and Blue. Every time she comes to visit, she has me bow my head so that we can pray for Angel's health and recovery. She doesn't know how much that means to me. When I feel like I am losing my faith, my nana makes sure to restore it.

I stared deeply at her and sighed, she barely opens her eyes. She will try her best to opened them but quickly shuts them. Since I was clueless to all of this, I was scared and thought my baby did not have her eye sight. But Dr. Hawthorne explained that babies are still developing in the womb so if she would have been born full term then she would have been able to open her eyes for a little bit before going back to sleep. But since she is premature she is having more of a difficulty of trying to open her eyes.

I got up from my seat, I've been sitting here for hours and I am ready to go. I am getting more depress just looking at my baby knowing there isn't much I can do for her, but hope and pray and visit her every day until it's time to bring her home.

"Mommy will see you later okay." I said to her and blew her a kiss. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about how I can't wait to hold her and kiss all over her.