Thoughts ~ RM X Reader

Chapter thirtynine

Everything is totally not ok anymore

-

I look at the letter sitting across from me.
The handwriting is familiar, not recognisable but familiar.
I take another sip of my coffee and reach for it.
The seal comes of easily and I pull the card out.
A birthday card? Who would of sent me a birthday card?
I open it slowly and read the long paragraph inside.

'Dear Y/N,
It's been a while huh? Your birthday was yesterday when I wrote this, I hope you're well, I haven't heard from you so I wasn't sure if I should write to you or not.
I'm hoping you've seen our comeback on the internet and the TV, I hope you've been keeping up with everything that's going on. I've been hoping you have since you left, it's the only way I feel I can speak to you anymore.
Namjoon and Jimin have made up completely, it took some time but their okay again, Jimin was mad at Namjoon for some time after you left, he was mad at himself as well. Namjoon was obviously upset as well and refused to do anything for about a month. Jimin hasn't even looked at another girl the whole time you've been gone, it's the same for Namjoon actually. They really miss you still.
We all do.
Jin was really hurt at first, he'd sit in his room for hours on end in silence. At first it didn't make any sense to us, we didn't know you'd cut ties with them so we thought he was being weird. Yoongi realised about a week or so after you left and he went missing for a few days, it's what you'd expect, he said he was looking for you, but we all know he wasn't.
Yoongi was really sour and nasty towards Jin as well, he was annoyed he let you go and that he wouldn't tell anyone where you were, apart from me when I told him I wanted to write to you. Yoongi kept drinking and smashing things, he really isn't that much better now, unlike Jin who's managed to gather some of himself back and regain his basic composure.
We really do miss you, I hope you've made some nice friends where you are. It really kills to know you're only about 30 miles from us but we can't see you.
You still have our numbers right? If you need anything just call me, I'll be around as quick as a hare.
From kookie'

I bite my lip and choke out a cry.
Tears start falling from my eyes and I let to go of the card, letting it fall to the ground.
Why would he send that?

Everything isn't going okay.
It's been a year and 4 months since I left the boys, as soon as I left everything went wrong.
I can't stand anyone in my work, they all hate me anyway.
I have to watch the TV everyday and see news about the boys I abandoned, hear about the new songs they've released and how amazing they are. All whilst I'm sitting alone in my flat, regretting every decision I've ever made.
Of course I kept updated, I couldn't bare the thought of something bad happening and me not knowing. I listened to every song on repeat for weeks, just like before.
I couldn't even bare going to Seoul, I steered clear of it for a good 5 months after I left- just incase I saw them.
I miss them so much.
I miss Jin and Yoongi like crazy, I regret not saying good bye to him.
I take a deep breath and grip the side table. Not even Hollie had talked to me all this time.
I want to see one of them. But I'm so scared.

-
'Knock knock'

That familiar sound of someone wanting to see you. That familiar sound of hand and door.
I walk up to the door and open it slightly.

I meet eyes with Jungkook and smile weakly.
He looks back at my tear stained face and stifles a smile.

"Hey stranger" He says in his calming familiar tone.
At that moment the world felt like it was going to disappear.

I fall to my knees and start hysterically crying.
I cover my face and cry until I can't cry anymore.
Jungkook closes the door for me and kneels down next to me.