Thoughts ~ RM X Reader

Chapter fourty five

"Hey Jin- you two finished being teenage girls yet?" Jungkook says smiling at us.
"Shut up" Jin says wiping his eyes again.

"Yah Y/N, we might have a problem" Namjoon says looking at his phone.
"What's up now?" I say disinterested.
"It's Bang PD, he wants to meet with you"

"Meet with me? Why?" I say slightly shocked.
"He says it's about the same thing you talked with him about a couple of years ago" Namjoon says showing me the messages.

Oh fuck.

"What do you mean a couple of years ago?" Taehyung says confused.
"Don't ask" Namjoon says rolling his eyes.
"I wanna know" Jungkook says looking at me curiously.

"It's a pretty simple story,
Bang PD was just concerned that I was distracting Jin, Yoongi and Namjoon from there job as idols, of course I understood this and agreeded to try and make sure I'm not too involved in there lives- which didn't last long either way. He probably just wants to remind me about it" I say shrugging.

"When does she have to go?" Jin says looking at Namjoon.
"He says as soon as possible" Namjoon says sighing.

"I could get a taxi there now" I say shrugging.
"It's like 9pm, you can't go tonight"
"Ask him if it's ok" I say looking at Namjoon.
He sighs before typing something on his phone.

"If I do go tonight I'll pick up some food on my way back- what should I get?" I say cracking my knuckles.
"Chicken"
"Black bean noodles"
"Chinese food"

"He said now would be great- do you want me to come with you?" Namjoon says putting his phone down.
"No it's ok- actually I'll head home after I meet with him, I need to do some work stuff for next week" I say as I stand up.

"When will you come again?" Taehyung says hopefully.
"Well I'm off work for two weeks, I took a holiday because work was getting a bit much"

"Has Hollie been to visit you?" Jin says hopefully as I walk towards the door.
I stop walking and turn my head to look at him.
"Oh about Hollie, I have a few letters for you I think she sent" Namjoon says quickly.

"What?" I say quietly.
I turn around and look at him in the eyes.
"How many?" I say suspiciouslyz
"16, she sent one every month after you left- I don't think she knew what happened"
"Have you still got them?"
"Only the last two, I threw the rest away"
"Can I have them" I say slowly.
"Yeah sure" He says before standing up and rushing to his room.
He returns with two cards and passes them too me.
"Which one arrived first?"
"That one" He says pointing to the black envelope.

I open it and look at the card.
It's a simple white card with a drawn bunny in the middle.
I open the card and look at the writing.

Y/N
I miss you.
I miss you more than anything else.
You said it was for a month, you've been gone for over a year now.
I can't bare life, dad died.
He got into a car accident outside our house, he was dead straight away.
I hope you're ok.
I love you
-Hollie

I bite my lip and take a sharp breath.
"What's wrong?" Namjoon says suspiciously.
"I can't go to see Bang PD tonight" I say quietly.
"Why?"
"I think I might need to have a long chat with Hollie instead" I say throwing the first card onto the coffee table and opening the other.

Y/N
This is the last time I'll write to you, I'm only writing this time because it's your birthday soon.
I think I'm going to go away myself.
I won't be able to talk to you anymore, I d like you to know I love you and that I'm sorry. None of what I'm going to do is your fault, everything has just gotten too much for me.
I wish you'd just answer your phone when I called, I don't even know if you're getting these stupid letters
I'll see you again sometime.

"Namjoon" I say quietly.
"Y/N" he says cautiously.
"Can I use your phone?" I say picking up the other card and putting sliding it inside the other, "I think something's wrong with Hollie"

He nods and passes me his phone, I quickly type in Hollies old house number and hold the phone next to my ear.

"Hello?" I hear her brother say down the phone.
"Hi, is Hollie there?" I say nervously.
Silence.
"Is this a joke? This isn't a funny prank call" he says down the phone quietly.
"It's Y/N Mathew" I say sighing.
Silence.
"Is She There?" I repeat.

"Y/n" he says softly.
"Yeah?"
"She's gone"
"Gone where?"
"She- she's dead Y/N"

I swallow and look at Namjoon with a forced smile.
I feel my heart in my throat and take a shaky breath but keep my composure.

"When? How?" I say quietly.
"Last week, she killed her self Y/N- where have you been? You've been gone for so long" he says quietly.

"How are you? Should I come home?" I say calmly.
"I'm holding up, it's only me and mum now- I'm having to be strong for her, the funeral is in two days
I don't think it's best you come"
Namjoon waves his hand at me for attention and I look up at him.
He mouths to me and asks if I'm ok. I nod and smile at him falsely.
I look over the boys who are watching me closely.
My legs start to shake slightly and the tears are becoming harder to hold back.

"I'm sorry Mathew, I'll send some money over for the costs" I say quietly.
"You don't have to do that Y/N"
"It's the least I can do Mathew, I've got to go now- I hope to see you safe and soon" I say before putting the phone down.
I pass it back to Namjoon and he smiles at me happily.
"She ok?" He says hopefully.

I zone out and look at the wall behind him.

"She's gone" I say to him in English.
"What? Why are you talking in English?" He says laughing nervously
"She's- shes" I stutter, my legs give way and I fall onto the floor, Namjoon quickly reacts and kneels down next to me. The others come over and start pestering me, each saying a thousand things at once.

"Guys back off, give her some space to breathe" Jin says pushing the overs away.
"Y/N, talk to me" Namjoon says in English.
I look up at him and smile weakly.

"Her dad died" I say quietly.
"I'm sorry, was she upset?" He says reaching over and rubbing my back.
"She was stressed, she had to pay for the expenses" I say looking at the ground.
"What did she say? Does she want you to come home?"
"I could've been there to look after her, I could've been there to stop her being so stupid" I say shaking my head.
Namjoon stops rubbing my back and looks at me strangely.
"What is it?"
"The funeral is in two days, I can't even go" I say hanging my head.
"Her dads funeral?"

"Her funeral"