Reality || BWS

33

My whole body felt numb, my back slammed against the wall behind me, my head felt as if it was underwater as my brain attempted to process the words the doctor had previously spoke.

The blurred vision I now had indicated that I was now crying, my legs turned completely to jelly as a fell to the floor.

I closed my mouth for it to just fall open again as I began to sob into my hands, my knees tucked firmly into my chest.

I hear faint voices around me as a wave of heat hits my side.

'Jo'

'Babe'

I slowly turned my head to the side to be met with Brad's eyes, filled with concern and worry.

Brad wrapped his arm around me, pulling me tightly into his chest before wrapping his other arm around me and placing his chin on top of my head.

He didn't speak, there was nothing he could say. Nothing that could change the way I feel, nothing that could make all of this go away.

We sat there for what felt like hours, when in fact it was probably only a few minutes. The only noise made was my faint sobs.

After a few minutes, I calmed down and Brad pulled away from me slightly, looking down at me with tears in his eyes.

'Come on, we should go home' Brad spoke gently, before standing up and reaching down, taking my hand in his.

I allowed Brad to pull me up, my legs no longer like jelly although I still felt numb.

Brad wrapped his arm around me protectively as we began to walk along the busy corridor.

My head still felt as if it was trapped in a bubble, everything sounding as if I was underwater.

When we reached the car that I had previously spent hours travelling in, Brad opened the passenger side door, helping me in as I was incapable of doing it myself.

I rested my head on the headrest of the chair, closing me eyes as Brad got into the drivers side of the car.

I felt Brad's eyes on my, burning through the side of my face waiting for me to look at him.

He didn't speak when I did look at him, he just stared back at my sympathetically. Tears still in his eyes, not escaping yet.

'Are you hungry, it's late and you haven't eaten in hours?' Brads voice was soft, as if he was walking on egg shells as he knew I was fragile. Able to break at any moment.

I shook my head, not able to form a sentence. Brad understood and started the car up, driving out of the car park and towards what was my mum's home.

I stared out of the window into the darkness as we drove.

How could this call happen in a matter of hours? My whole world turned upside down. My mum gone, the only family I had left gone. I never even got a chance to say goodbye to her.

I've been so busy these last few weeks I didn't even make time to speak to her much at all.

I was planning on seeing her next weekend, surprising her with a visit. I left it too late and now I'm never going to get that time back with her.

'Babe, we're here' Brad's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, I looked around and realised we were no parked outside of my mum's house.

Brad got out of the car, walking around to my side before opening my door.

I stepped out of the car, Brad holding on to my protectively as I did so.

I walked up to the house, rooting through my bag to find my keys before unlocking to door to an empty, cold house.

Brad locked the door behind us before leading my straight up the stairs and into my old bedroom.

I sat on the bed, sill no feeling in my body, no ability to move or show any emotion yet.

Before messing around in the wardrobe for a few minutes, Brad walked over to me with an old pair of pjs and placed them on the bed next to me.

'I'm going to go and see if there's any hot chocolate or something for you, is there anything else you want?' Brad knelt down so our faces level with each other.

I shook my head at Brad, who placed his hand gently on my cheek.

'Please talk to me, tell me what you're thinking' Brad locked his eyes with mine, as if he was desperately looking for something in them, emotion, feeling, anything.

'I..I..I can't' I couldn't tell him how I was feeling because right now I felt nothing.

I felt as if I was in a dream, floating about. This couldn't seriously be real could it?

'Okay, but you need to talk to me, don't keep it all inside' his thumb stroked my cheek, before standing up, kissing my forehead as he did.

Brad left the room and went downstairs, I took this opportunity to get changed and curl up in my bed.

A few minutes later Brad returned with two hot chocolates in his hands.

He placed them down on the bed side table before undressing down to his boxers and joining me in the bed, wrapping his arms firmly around me straight away.

I turned around so that I was facing Brad, my head snuggled into his chest.

It was at this moment that I allowed me feelings to come flooding back.

Hurt. Grief. Distress. Pain.

I could no longer hold my emotions in, sobbing into Brads chest as he held my close.

His breathing changed, as if he too was crying. But I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. I didn't want to see him upset, I just wanted it to all go away.

But all I could hear in my head was those nine words.

'I'm sorry, there was nothing more we could do'.
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I'm sorry this took so long but I just wanted to make sure this chapter was good ish. I'm sorry also for the story line but something had to happen :(

Xoxo