I loved him

* 10 *

Personally, we were beginning to do fine. In the relationship. There wasn't much to complain about. It was really relaxed.

I woke up one morning and I wasn't feeling well. I ignored the symptoms and laid them off for six weeks.

They never went away. Every morning was the same.

My breasts didn't allow me to hug anyone. The pain was excruciating. They were swollen and painful!
My fatigue, nausea. I was dying and I couldn't pick up what it was.

It couldn't be pregnancy because I took the emergency pills. So, it could probably be the effect the pills had on me. Six weeks for that kind of effect was strange though. I had a bit of worry in me about what it could be.

I was on the phone with Samuel talking about this.

"I'm telling you. I've been sick. Can't figure out what's wrong babe."
"You don't think you're pregnant, do you?"
"No. I can't be."
"Well,  just take a test to be sure, you know."
"Okay and let's say I am. I don't believe I am but let's say I am."
He sighed.
"We aren't ready. I'm not."
"Yeah, I agree too. Well I will take it tomorrow and let you know. We'll talk."
"Sure, bye."
"Bye."
---------------------------------------------------------
I was with Lily when I bought the test.

"I'm hungry, we should stop by for some lunch." she said.
"I agree. I could use with anything to wash down this nausea and all these other things I'm feeling."

We stopped at our favorite restaurant and were seated.

"Wine menu looks good." she said.
"I wouldn't risk it, girl."
"Why what's wrong?"
"I could be pregnant but I'm not sure."
"Didn't we?" she was confused.
"We did but with all these changes happening in my body, I'm not guaranteed that wine is the way to go. Besides it could be something else."
"I can only hope. It's going to be expensive being a godmother." she said.
"Yup."

We ordered late lunch instead and had a meal.

"Can you imagine what it would be like having a baby with Sam?" I fantasized the idea.
"You guys are a great couple, it will go perfectly well. I wouldn't mind babysitting for you guys."
"Haha... You think we're okay... He's been pretty shady and all since Selena."
"She's still around?"
"Girl!"

Lily has known about Selena and my feelings towards her.

"I still don't like her. There's just been so much drama in your relationship regarding her." she added.
"I know, right. They are meeting tomorrow and he told me about it."
"Are you serious?"
"Yup. Can't exactly come between that, can I?"
"I guess not."

Selena and Sam were working on something together. I dare not interfere because I will seem controlling. Over the past I've had issues with her calling constantly and him being on the line with her for over half an hour infront of me. They've had more hook ups and it's just always been about her.

Could I have been choosing to avoid something which already exists?

Lily and I finished eating, paid the bill and parted ways.

When I arrived home I was too exhausted to do anything. I couldn't even take the test. I literally vowed to take the test the next morning at 5am when I have all the urine I need.

I sent Samuel a picture of the tester wrapper and told him I would do it in the morning. Goodness I was nervous.