I loved him

* 18 *

It was almost graduation and all the universities had a farewell picnic. I was really far along now. I was heavily pregnant by this time.

"What if you bump into Samuel here?" Lily asked.
"He doesn't like picnics. He has never taken me to one, do you really think I'd bump into him here?"
"I'm just saying, you never know." she grabbed a chip.
"Uh uh. No girl, don't come here with your negativity. I've been doing fine my whole pregnancy. I don't need this. Please"
"Oh well then." she said.

I was having so much fun. I felt happy. We were finally finishing university. The food was amazing and the drinks were good, too. I however, didn't drink alcohol.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked.
"I need some more hotdogs, if you don't mind." I laughed.

I waddled my way to the hotdog stand. I got myself two delicious hotdogs, put them on my paper plate and waddled my way back.

I wasn't looking where I was walking when I bumped into a familiar face and subconsciously ignored it.

"Oh sorry" I laughed.

I looked up again when I noticed it was Samuel. We stood there and stared at each other.

"Samuel." I said.

My heart was skipping beats, I was nervous. I didn't know what to do or say.
"Courtney... Hey." he greeted.
"Hi..."

There was awkward silence when he broke it.
"It's good to to see you."
"Good to see you too."
"And how's...." he looked at my belly.
"Oh he's fine." I chuckled.
"Well that's good."

What seemed to be a decent conversation took a different turn when he changed the whole mood.

"Look... Courntey. Just thought I should put it out there. I'm not ready for this...and me asking you about him doesn't mean anything will ever happen. I don't want you. I don't want to be with you." he made it sound so polite.

"Oh? Okay then." my heart sank.
"He doesn't have to grow up in a world where we pretend to love each other. He needs to know how I really feel about you, Courtney."
"Samuel, I know about her..." I cut him off.
He kept quiet...
"Uhm...okay... Well...I want to be with her. She's not the only one I am seeing but I want to be with her. She makes me happy and gives me what I want. I hope you can accept that."

Every word was a thorn to my chest. How did he not love me anymore? What changed?

"I accept it." my heart broke.

From where I was standing, a girl waved at me. I was confused. Was she waving at me or looking for Samuel?

She walked to our direction and immediately curled into Samuel's arms.

"Hey Sam.  Who is this?" she asked.
"Uhm...Lizelle. This is Courntey."
"Oh, hi Courntey. Nice to meet you. How are you?"
"I'm fine thanks." I couldn't bring myself to smile at her.
"So how do you guys know each other?"
"Well, actually..." I said.
"She's a pal I knew from way back." Samuel cut me off.
"Oh. Congratulations on the baby, Courtney. The father must be thrilled."
"Oh, he his. Sorry. I must go." I said sarcastically.

I dropped a hot dog by bumping into someone else.

"Sorry." I whispered and continued waddling.

I rushed back with my head down to Lily who was waiting to hear all the drama. I didn't want anyone to see me crying.

"What was that?" she asked.
"I will tell you. Let me just sit down and let it sink in, first." I said to her.