I loved him

* 34 *

"Where are you going, mommy?" Mitchell asked.
"I am going...somewhere sweetheart..."
"Somewhere like."
"Somewhere like to a friend." I lied.

My mother could see through me, she knew I was lying. She signaled to me as to follow her.

We went into the kitchen.

"Samuel, isn't it?" she asked.
I slowly nodded.

"Baby. I think you should take Mitch with you. Just don't tell him where he is going and don't let him know that Samuel is his dad until they are comfortable around each other. Okay?"
"I think he needs to know that it is his dad." I said.
"No. If he disappoints you and him, it will hurt Mitch. Now take my advice before you go, okay?"
"Alright." I nodded.

I walked back into the living room.

"Change of plans. You are coming with me, my boy."
"Really? Yay!"
"Go up to Laura and get dressed neatly, okay."
"Okay mummy."

I waited for Mitchell to get ready. I sat down in the foyer re-reading the letter I wrote him. I would read it to him and then demolish it in front of him to show him in letting go.

Mitchell walked down the stairs looking so cute.
"You ready? You look really cute my boy."
"Ah mum! That is gay!"
"Well gay means happy, my young man. Come, let's go now."

I put him in his car seat and went to he driver's. I started my car and we drove off. I might have not told Mitchell we are going to see his dad but I told his dad that Mitchell would be with me.

We arrived at the coffee shop and I was really excited that Mitchell and his dad would finally meet. It made my heart happy.

Mitchell and I sat down. The restaurant didn't have a kiddies menu, so I just ordered him a milkshake while I ordered coffee.

We waited and waited. 30 minutes, an hour to two hours.

"Mommy we have been here for a long time can we please go home? Please please lease mummy. Please."
"Uhm. Of course baby." I sniffed and wiped a tear off my face.
"Mummy, are you crying now?"
"No. Baby. My eyes are just sore."
I saw the pain in my boys' eyes. He hated it when I was sad.
"Mummy I know your friend didn't pitch. That's what my friends at kindergarten do too. One day your friend will wish she could have pitched mummy. I love you. Mitchell is here for you

I looked at my son. Such wisdom for his age. I love him . So much.

I kept the letter to myself.

"You know what? Let's take a trip to the pond. What do you say?"
"Haaay!" yelled Mitchell getting the attention of people around him.

Mitchell and I arrived at the pond. It was beautiful. I took out the letter I had written for Samuel and I tore it into pieces and pieces. Samuel was too busy looking at the ducks to even notice.

Once it was ripped. I walked towards the pond and I dropped the bits and pieces of paper in so they could drown ways with my sorrow."