All We Have (Book 2)

27

Colson

I walked down to the NICU and watched as they finished setting things up for the twins. They were so small. Way smaller than Casie was when she was born. I watched as machines pumped air into their lungs. They looked so fragile like they would break if touched. I looked at my phone at it was just now 12 am. That means that they were born on my birthday.

"Happy Birthday little one's." I said putting my hand up to the glass.

I wasn't prepared for this. How was I gonna do this? How could I raise them without her? I couldn't even say her name. We were supposted to do this together. We never planned for this to happen. We never even talked about it. I never, I never thought something like this would happen.

Tears ran from my eyes like a faucet that couldn't be shut off. My greatest fear has always been Jane leaving me and never coming back, or me never being able to win her back and now I was faced with something far worse.

My mind went to Casie now. Jane was her second chance at having a mother and now just like that she's gone. Its all my fault! I did this to her. I did this to Jane. I did this to our children. I was the reason that they would have to grow up without a mother. I was the reason.

I had to stop this! Jane would never want me to beat myself up like this. She would want me to move on and raise our children as best as I could. I had to do what she wanted. My eyes went back on the twins. They were all I had left of Jane now. I couldn't help but wonder would our baby girl look like her? Would she have her smile or her personality? When they grow up would they grow to hate me because I was the reason their mother, because I, because I didn't protect their mother. This whole time I thought I was protecting her and all I did was put her in danger. She should be here right now.

"Colson." Slim said

"What man?" I said wipping at the tears that stained my face.

"I know you don't wanna hear this right now but we think you should get some rest. Today has been a long day."

"Fuck y'all and whatever it is you think! I'm not leaving my babies when they need me the most."

"We're not asking you to leave. They have offered you a room here and me and Dre are gonna stay with you. Dub and Ash are gonna go be with Casie."

I didn't respond. I guess this was how my life was gonna be from here on out. My friends were gonna have to control my life to keep me from spiraling out of control.

Jane

It was so beautiful here. It was like paradise. I couldn't feel any pain. The only thing I could feel was love. It was like being wrapped up in a tight warm hug. I walked further and further into this wonderland embracing its beauty.

There were other people here but so far none that I recognized. They all looked so happy and peaceful. It was as if there was not a care in the world. Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice call for me. I walked to the voice and recognized the man that now stood before me. It was my father. It was him! He looked like he hadn't aged or anything. He looked the same as he did before he died.

"Daddy!" I yelled as I jumped into his arms.

He lifted me up and spun me around just like he did when I was child. He gently put me down and instructed me to sit.

"Daddy, what is this place?"

"This is the other side. Also known as heaven." He stated

"What am I doing here? I'm not supposted to be here!" I said jumping up from my seat.

"Its ok baby girl. Sit down, I know your not supposed to be here. You've been given a choice that very few of us get over here."

"What are my choices?"

"You can either choose to stay here or go back."

I was feeling some type of way about these choices all of a sudden. A part of me wanted to stay there and the other part wanted me to go back.

"Dad, can I ask you something?"

"Anything baby girl."

"If you were given a chance and you had to choose what would you do?"

"Jane, this isn't about what I would do this is about you and your choice."

"Dad, just answer the question."

"If I could choose knowing what I know now. I would choose to stay here."

"What!? Why would you say that? So you would choose to leave me and have me grow up without you!? How could you say that?"

"Calm down and just hear me out. Knowing that my death impacted you in away that gave you strength and courage to take on anything that was thrown at you, made me realize that you could do anything and you didn't need me. You know how you would find a feather on the ground or a coin? That was me. That was me showing you I was there. And the birds. I know when I first died you remember seeing the red robin? That was me. Look I have to go now. The choice is up to you. Only you will truly know what to do."

"Wait daddy!" I cried as he faded away.

I sat there and cried. I didn't understand.

"Jane." I heard a woman's voice call to me.

I looked up and she looked kinda familiar but I couldn't be to sure who she was. Then it hit me!

"Dana?"

"Good, you know who I am. Now I can skip the introduction. I don't have much time. But I wanna help you."

"How?"

"The question you asked your dad earlier. What would he choose? If it were me I would choose to stay too." She said which shocked the hell out of me.

"You can't be serious? You would still choose to leave Casie? What the hell is going on here?"

"I would choose to stay because I would no longer be needed."

"How can you say such a think of course Casie needs you."

"No, she doesn't. Because she has you. I can't tell you what to do. All I can say is that your all they have. After you there is no one to come and take over for you. Like you did for me."

"Dana.."

"I have to go. You know what to do."

And just like she was gone. I knew what choice I was going to make. I took the path back to where I came from and I started to feel funny. It was a rush of pain that hit me like a ton of bricks. Medical equipment that was going off started to stabilize and just like that I was alive again.