All We Have (Book 2)

12

But I'm not just a fuck-up, I'm the fuck-up you need
I don't hear nobody when you focus on me
Perfectly imperfect, yeah, I hope that you see
Tell me you see
'Cause I know that you've been thinking 'bout it

Don't leave
Shut your mind off and let your heart breathe
You don't need to be worried
I may not ever get my shit together
But ain't nobody gonna love you better
Don't go
What we have here is irreplaceable
No, I won't trade this for nothing
I may not ever get my shit together
But ain't nobody gonna love you better than me, yeah
Love you better than me

MØ- Don't Leave

Jane

When I woke up I felt refreshed and ready to eat the whole house. I got out of bed and walked into the living room to see Colson zoned out on the couch. He must be deep in his thoughts.

"Hey baby. I'm starving to death. Are you ready to go eat? I was thinking maybe Ruth Chris or Bricktop. I'm craving a steak and bake potatoe but at the same time I'm dying for some creamy pasta." I said

I waited for a reply as I walked into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. I walked back into the living room and Colson was still sitting there silent. It was almost like he didn't even know I was talking to him.

"Colson did you hear.."

"Jane, baby, could you please come and have a seat?" He asked

I walked over to the couch and took a seat next to him. I turned my attention to him and I could tell something was wrong. He seemed tense and edgy. Something was weighing on him.

"I just want to say that I love you more than anything in this world. And I'm truly sorry for all the bullshit that I put you through. All the cheating and the drugs. All of it. At that point in time in my life I was being selfish and I was only thinking about myself. I want to thank you for giving me a second chance." He said as tears welled up in his eyes

"I love you too, Colson. All of that is behind us now. We worked everything out and now we're good. Why are you bringing this up?"

"I...I messed up." He sobbed

He then said something else that I couldn't understand. He was crying so hard that I couldn't understand anything he was saying. Why was he so upset?

"Colson! What do you mean you messed up? What's wrong? Please calm down. You have to stop crying. I can't understand a word your saying." I said as I grabbed his shoulders to try and comfort him.

He eventually calmed down and then started to speak again.

"I messed up. While we were separated I got some other woman pregnant. I met with her the day before you went to New York. I know I should've told you then but I didn't know how. I wanted to wait til after you had the babies to tell you because I didn't want to upset you. But when she pretended to be your ultrasound tech today I knew I couldn't wait. I'm so sorry baby." He sobbed

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This couldn't be real. This had to be one of those vivid pregnancy dreams that everyone was telling me about. I had to be asleep right now.

"Baby please say something." He said as he grabbed my hand.

It was then that I realized that I was not dreaming this was real. He was really telling me this. He was saying the same words I had prayed he would never say again. I quickly pulled away from him and slapped him so hard that he fell in the floor. He slowly picked himself up and moved closer to me.

"Are you fucking serious right now!?! How could you!? You've been knowing for weeks and your just now telling me? You got some hoe pregnant! Great! You got any other secret children I don't know about?! Huh! Do you?!" I yelled as I hit him in the chest over and over again.

He tried his best to restrain my hands. Which caused me to break down and cry.

"I'm sorry baby! I'm sorry! Please forgive me! You gotta forgive me!" He begged

"I don't have to do shit! I'm leaving. Where is Casie? We're leaving!" I yelled

"No! Please don't leave." He begged

He got down on his hands and knees and wrapped his arms around my body as he laid his head on my stomach.

"Get off of me! I can't stay here. I can't stand to look at you." I said as I pushed him away.

I went into the bedroom, locked the door and started to pack a bag. Colson was on the other side pounding like he was gonna break the door down. This all seemed so surreal to me. It was almost like deja vu all over again. I slid down in the floor and proceeded to have an anxiety attack. It took me a minute but I eventually got up again and finished collecting some of my things. I flung the door open and Colson quickly stood up.

"Where are you going?" He asked as I pushed past him.

"Anywhere that your not. Where is Casie?"

"She's not here."

"Don't play games with me. Where is my daughter?"

"Your not gonna take her."

"Yet! I'm leaving but I will be back and I will be taking my daughter with me." I said as I slammed the door behind me.

How could he do this to me? To us? Haven't we been through enough? It seems like everytime I turn around Colson is doing something that always ends up negatively affecting our family. I could slowly feel my life falling apart again and it just had to happen when we were doing so good.