13 Reasons Why

Chapter 18

(Katie) After much persuading, my mom agrees to let me sleep at Mia's house. I force myself to brush my hair. I slip on my running shorts and a long sleeve t-shirt... to cover my scars. After I pack, my mom offers to drive me. "Dad can!" I say quickly. She looks taken aback, but silently agrees. It's hard to explain, but my dad questions less and gives me more space. My dad grabs the keys. "To the Dinoto household we go." I nod, plastering a fake grin on my cheeks. Thank god my dad stay silent the entire car ride. When we get to Mia's house, immediately I see her parent's car isn't in the driveway. I don't tel my dad though. "Bye!" I shout and dash out the car door, not waiting for his response. I knock on Mia's door and she pulls me in right away. "Where are your parents?" I ask her. She shrugs, "out. All night." I freeze. "Just us?" She nods, "just us." I consider this. I can kill myself. "I think I want to die tonight." Mia whispers, saying my thoughts aloud. I will myself to nod. "Mia I'm so ready for it all to end." I roll up my sleeves and reveal the cuts, "I did this last night." Mia stares at my arms for a moment. "Did it hurt?" I nod, "of course. But... it took away some of the other pain, you know?" She looks me straight in my eyes, and her gaze never falters. It's the kind of serious gaze that stops hearts. "Are you ready to die?" She manages, and I see the tears well in her eyes. I don't even hesitate. "That's why I came." Mia drops her gaze to the floor. "What should we use?" I shrug. I made an entire mental list of ways I can kill myself, and now I start skimming over it. "Want it fast, but painful, or slow but mostly pain free?" Mia seems a little shocked I asked her this. "Fast. As fast as possible. I just want everything to end." I nod. "Knifes, maybe. We could copy Annie. Bleed to death in a bath tub." Mia nods, and I see her shoulders shake and her lip start to tremble. But she swears she's ready for it. "I'll grab the knives." I feel numb. Nothing at all. I'm not sad. But you'd think I'd at least have some emotion towards my mortality getting closer and approaching rapidly. Mia and I are going to die tonight.