13 Reasons Why

Chapter 38

(Katie) I smooth out the sticky note and look at Annie's words scribbled there. "In case you need it, the Suicide Hotline." I glance down at the numbers printed there. Annie knew, Annie planned ahead, of course. Annie was perfect. And I destroyed her. I clutch the post-it note to my chest and weep. This is kind of like Annie's angel coming down and telling me it's okay. Because I can call this and get the help I need. "I think we need it," Mia mutters. I nod, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Can I keep this?" I whisper, meaning the little note Annie blessed me with. It's a sign. I know it. "Katie, are you alright?" Mia asks I don't answer, because I'm not. I really don't think I am. "I think we both need help. Maybe you more than me, but if we call they'll help us through it." I try to even my breaths as Mia hands me her phone. I run my fingers over the back of the case, the sleek metal calming me in this strange way. If I call, they'll get my parents involved. My mom and dad will know I'm suicidal, and they'll never let me out of their watch again. Ryan will hear about this, poor, innocent Ryan. Brennan would be happy, but I think of all the people who I would hurt by admitting I gave a serious mental health battle going on right now. And I know something about being hurt, emotionally, I mean. And that isn't something I want people to go through, especially not on my behalf. But... maybe for once this isn't about other people. Maybe it isn't about Brennan, or Ryan, or my parents, or Mia, or even Annie. Maybe it's about me and hoe I suffer practically every waking moment for the past week or so. Maybe it's about how screwed up I am in the head, the heart, and the soul. Maybe it's about time I saved my sanity and dialed the stupid number. My shaky fingers dial the area code, and I stare at the screen. Come on, Katie. I fix my gaze on the post-it. I need help. I just need somebody to tell me it's going to be okay, and help me towards that. And what if that's on the other side of this call? I speedily dial the remaining seven digits. I let my finger hover over the green call button. This is what I need. I slam it down and it rings. Once, twice, and then somebody picks up. Ever breath of air I had inside my vanishes. This is it. "Hello, you've reached the Maryland and D.C. area Suicide Hotline." I can't speak for a moment. "Hello? We're here for you." The female voice repeats. I catch my breath. "Hi. I, um... I wanted to die. I need help, please." I manage through tears, "please." I add. Immediately, without even a second of hesitation, the voice speaks again. "Okay, that's why we're here. And let me tell you something, it's going to be okay." I crack my first real smile since I last saw Annie. "It's going to be okay..." rings in my ears. That's exactly what I needed. I glance up at the ceiling, as if I were looking towards heaven. I'm actually looking for my angel. The person who was looking down on me and saw exactly what I needed. And if it is going to be okay... it's because of that girl, my angel. I mouth two words. "Thank you". And those simple words are for my best friend, my unbiological sister, my other half, my guardian angel, my sweet dear, Annie Grace. 🆑💜 THE END 💜🆑