13 Reasons Why

Chapter 35

*LETTER* TAPE THIRTEEN PT.2 - dear Kenzie, Arden, Sydney, Caleb, Hayden, Jayden, Liv, Paige, Lexi, Brennan, Mia, and Katie;

Wow. I can't believe I'm actually writing this. So... this is supposed to be an explanation, as to what I did to kill myself. I'll hurry up and get to that. I made it to the post office, shipped the package and ran back home. I ran a bath on the lowest setting, so nobody would hear the water. It gets pretty gruesome, I'm assuming... I obviously can't write after I kill myself, so I'm just guessing based on the fact knives hurt. And that said, I ran to grab the knife I'd been hiding. I'm about to slit two holes in both my wrists, and let myself bleed out in the bathtub. The water will eventually leak from the room, and somebody will find me in the morning. And that'll be it. No more Annie. But, I can't end my letter like that. The real reason I'm writing this letter is because... it's goodbye. I said simple goodbyes to the coral girls, but that wasn't really good enough. I'll try to be short, just for the sake of time. It's currently 3:45am, and I wanted to pass away before I pass out. So here we go with goodbyes. I'll start with you, Kenzie. Short lived friendship. But still a friendship, and friends don't do stuff like that. Moving on to somebody who I have a bit more to say about, Arden Martino. Remember when you were my best friend? I do. I could always count on you, until Mia came along. Then I could still count on you, just not as much. We drifted apart, and I kept trying to reel you back, but let's focus on the whole best friend part. It was... amading, and I actually want to thank you, Arden. Goodbye. I'm crying now, but... goodbye. Okay, next: Sydney. We had over a decade of friendship. I could always vent to you about everything, and it was all great until the time you repeated it to Liv. Speaking of Liv, you were also my best friend, and then you talked about Caleb. On to him, I guess... bubba, I'm coming. And what about Jayden, another fake friend. God, I had too many of these. And I thought you were different, but... you weren't. Then there's Lexi, not so much fake, but more like absentee friend. Can't forget Paige, who was a fake sister, which is definitely worse. What about Brennan? Asked me out as a dare, thanks for my first heartbreak. And... Hayden freakin Summerall. You know, you're making me want to forget this whole thing, because I'm actually still crazy about you. But you don't, and you never did, love me. Wow. On to Mia, we were best friends at a time, actually anytime somebody else wasn't around. But thank you, really, for being the friend you were when we were alone. You could make me smile any day, but also easily wipe that smile off my face. Our friendship was toxic, but I really do want to let you know how much those good parts meant to me. It was like nobody could come between us, until everybody did. Then there's Katie. The girl who I thought was my other half. The person I would call when everything or nothing happened, my overall best friend. I love you, Katie. You're still my best friend, even though you weren't there for me when I needed you the most, even when I flat out told you I wanted to go to heaven, you brushed me off. But our friendship is stronger than that, okay? Just know that. Goodbye. I'm just so ready for everything to end. But I want to add a little something to my parting message. I chose all of my reasons as people who were close and important and special to me. I love most of the people on these tapes, and they were definitely important and added to my happiness at so many times. But that's the thing, not every single time. They hurt me so, so much. And I've learned something, it's the people you carry closest to your hearts that can stab it easier. Do me a favor, okay? Come on, you've killed me after all, can I at least have a favor? Make your quick list in your head. If you were to die, who'd have a tape? Done? I bet you it was all people who were or still are close to you. Your best friends, your family, your crushes, everything that made you smile at one point, but made you cry other times. We all have problems and we need to get through them, I get that. But I just can't. I'm not strong enough of something, I can't. But if I were close to you, my death might hurt you a lot. Don't come for me, stay on earth and live your life. I'm probably on each and every single one of your lists, if you're listening to this. Don't die just because I did. Life is beautiful, and mine just took a couple beatings until it was beyond ugly. But... remember how it's the people closest to you that hurt you the most. It just seems like something important. And I'm not lying about that... why would a dead girl lie? Well, this is actually the final time I'm going to write it, I swear: this looks like it's... goodbye.
Sincerely,
Julianna Grace Leblanc