13 Reasons Why

Chapter 29

(Katie) Brennan's tape clicks, and stops spinning. I take the tape out. "Annie never told me she dated Brennan." I whisper to Mia, but bite my tongue as I go she saying it, remembering she likes Brennan. "Me neither, but I kind of get why she wouldn't tell me. You know?" I nod, "sorry." She shakes her head, "it's fine. Nothing I can do about it. Annie's gone either way." She wipes her eyes, and buries her face in her hands. I glance at the digital clock on Mia's nightstand. 2:35 am. We've been having a tape marathon. Hearing about all the people who hurt Annie. There were a lot of them. I reach for the box of tapes. Three left. One of them is mine. Oh wait... the very next one is Mia's. She's sitting on her bed sobbing, do I have the heart to play what she did to Annie right next to her. "Should I put on headphones, would that be easier?" I ask Mia. She pulls her hands away from her wet face. "No, I did it. Annie had to suffer through what I did, I should have to do it a second time too." She outstretches her arm and I hand her the tape. I watch her hands tremble as they tighter around the small piece of plastic. She seems to be fighting with herself. "Mia," I carefully take the tape form her hands and pop it in. "Thanks," she mutters. I nod. "You're sure you want to listen?" Mia makes a noise I'm not sure is human. A whimper, or a groan. "It just hurts, Katie. I regret everything, it hurts so bad." I sit there, silent. Not sure what to even say to Mi right now. "It's regret, I think that's the worst kind of pain. Yeah, guilt is bad, and sadness is is bad, but regret is a combination of both. And it hurts! It hurts me so much I just want to give up! Regret and grief, like knives that stab me every time I breath. But I know that no matter how much it hurt me, it never hurt me as much as I hurt Annie. That even though I didn't mean to hurt her, I did. I hurt her so, so much. I know that I was a reason she was hurting. I know that pain isn't just physical. But sometimes physical pain can be the result of emotional pain. And I wish I could turn back the time and just change everything. Tell Annie I'm sorry, hug her again, just see her face."