13 Reasons Why

Chapter 27

TAPE NINE
-Lexi-
"'Can we talk?'... I sent you this text, Lexi. The night Hayden and I broke up, I was lying in my bed. I couldn't text anybody else. I... I didn't really have that many people left in my life I could trust. And you were one of my best friends, so I thought that this message would make you at least willing to talk. It took you an hour and a half to reply "sure". Fine, you were busy, I can get that. I laid my heart down in a text message about Hayden, Jayden, everything. This was me giving life one last shot. I wanted to die so bad. Suicide had been sitting in the back of my mind, shadowing my thoughts. But that day, it lurched forward. I figured the only way to stop feeling bad things, was to stop feeling anything at all. "I kinda knew about Jayden," was your response. I sat there for a moment just staring at my phone screen. "How?" I typed. "Kenzie mentioned it to me once, she said Jayden was only pretending to be your friend." I couldn't help but sit there, eyes frozen to the screen yet again. "And you didn't tell me?!" I angrily slammed my finger on the send button. You were supposed to be my friend, Lex. "I figured she was lying. Because Hayden liked you and all." I tried to quit seeing red, to see how this could have been not your fault. "Lexi I'm so done with them. I really just need to vent to you." I texted. And I saw the little "read" button in the corner appear. You saw it. I figured you were just taking a minute to think what to say, because I didn't see the typing symbol pop up. I waited. For a minute. Five. Ten. Maybe your phone died, I tried reasoning again. Twenty. Half an hour. An hour. Zero reply. I was done with excuses. I was done with fake friends. I was done with hoping for things that weren't there. I was done with backstabbing. I was done with being used. I was done with lies. I was just... done. Like a ticking time bomb, it was the final countdown. T-minus only a matter of time before I explode. By explode, I mean until I take my own life. Three days. It was three days later that I tried to text you again, Lexi. "What happened to ride or die?" I managed, even though I was crying as I typed. You were riding, I was dying."