13 Reasons Why

Chapter 16

(Katie) Sometimes crying can be a good thing. Sometimes you need to wash your eyes out with your tears, so you can see clearer. That's supposed to be a good thing. When I cry, I do see everything clearer... but it's for the worst. Every tear I shed helps me see how warped and devastating my reality has become. How my life has had so many plot twists, and how people really can be gone. I see how useless I am in the grand scope of things. And how I just want it all to end. I want to stop feeling bad things, and all things. I consider telling Brennan this as I cry into his shoulder, but I decide against it. He then reaches to hold my hand. I quickly pull my arm away. The cuts. He takes his hands and repositions my head. "Did I just see what I think I saw?" He asks in a very serious tone, even though it's hard to take him seriously while he's crying. His eyes move, and it's as if I can see the fears in his head turning. He abruptly grabs my arm and brings it where he can see it. "Brennan!" I struggle in his grasp. He eyes the cuts and starts to cry harder. Oh god. He lets my arm fall, and wraps me into a hug. "Katie, don't do it. I can't loose you, too." He manages, his words muffled by my hair. I shake, every fiber of me shakes, wishing to die. "Don't you get it?" He says, pulling away a little. Just enough to talk to me. "What?" I whisper. "It's a vicious cycle! First it's Caleb. Caleb died, and it sent Annie's world off the side of a cliff. Add in some bullying and sad events, and she wants to die. So then it's Annie. Annie dies, and then it sends your world into a spiral. Katie, you're the next step. Break the cycle." I sniffle and inhale. What do I say to this. "Remember when Annie thought she wouldn't be hurting anybody? Remember how wrong she was?" Brennan continues his ramble, "Don't think that, Katie. If I loose you, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't ever be able to recover. I've lost too much. My best friend. And, um... the only girl I ever really loved." Brennan's words fill my ears. What? I pull away, tears still streaming down my face. "You liked Annie?" I manage. My big brother sighs, "Well... yeah. Ever since I was 10."