13 Reasons Why

Chapter 30

TAPE ELEVEN -Mia-
"I just wanted us to happen. I wanted us to best friends, or at least for you to appreciate me. You came to my gym, and instantly I was kind to you. I always wanted to be your friend. Always. And you never wanted to be mine, or had time to listen to me, or even talk to me. It became so obvious I was much more heavily invested in our friendship than you were. About a year ago, we started to become really close. It was simply one of the best things ever. We always had so much fun together, and millions of inside jokes. You told me I was your best friend. I gave our friendship everything I had, and you gave it a little bit. Whenever we were alone, you seemed to adore me. But then, Arden or Via would show up, and you'd leave me on my butt, alone. We'd partner up in gym when one of them were sick, but you'd quickly move on when they came back. It's like... I was your back-up friend or something. And you meant so much to me, and I doubt I meant half as much to you. I realized that I was just trying to be best friends with somebody who never tried with me. Sure, we had some awesome sleepovers, made so many memories, but that was only when we were alone. Mia, I'm still ashamed to say it, but that hurt so, so bad. Like at Falir, you barely talked to me because you were always with Arden. But then when Arden went out with her family that one night, you suddenly cared about what I was doing, and wanted to hang out. It hurt so bad. I always felt like I wasn't good enough for you, and I kept on attempting to make you like me. But no matter what I did, I was always the backup friend. Maybe you didn't even know you were doing this? Maybe you thought there was nothing wrong with only being best friends with somebody when other people weren't around. But I was always happier to see you, giving you more, and I could just really go on. How could I trust you with things? Maybe you were turning around and whispering them in the ears of Arden, or Via? I had zero idea. But all I knew is that every morning when I got up, I full-heartedly hoped maybe something had changed, and when I'd show up at gym we'd be real best friends. Everyday I was proved wrong, Mia."