Roses ➳ Shawn Mendes [2] ✓

Chapter 33

TRIGGER WARNING:

It contains mentions of suicide. I do NOT promote suicide in any way or form! I'm sorry this happened! 

Read at your own discretion!

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Having to leave Shawn behind had been hard, Signe didn't really want to go home, however, she had her own career to start worrying about and also had to go and check on her stepfather. Last night had its ups and downs, yet she was trying her best to focus only on the ups such as the moment Shawn sang to her and later that night which had been perfect. It had brought up some painful memories she had successfully hidden in the back of her mind, yet the ginger was able to overcome them and appreciate the magic. On the way back to Toronto, Signe took advantage of the time to sleep, considering she hadn't slept much the previous night. Fortunately, Blake hadn't made any jokes or puns, he knew well enough it wasn't exactly a safe subject to make jokes about with her.

Unlike she was expecting she didn't feel guilty about choosing not to think about Daniel that night, in fact, it had helped her calm down and think straight and clearer. The only way of helping Daniel was understanding how he was feeling and how he could use the grieving for better. Once they landed in Toronto, the first thing Signe did was catch a taxi and give him the directions towards her old house also letting Blake and Eva have their own alone time. She waited anxiously until she arrived at her old house, memories flooding her mind, both good and bad like ghosts from the past. The girl paid the taxist and hurried inside, finding her stepfather sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the television. Nothing interesting was passing on the tv, however, she knew it wasn't from the lack of interest that Daniel was staring at it that way.

"Hey." Signe greeted gently as she put her bag leaning against the side of the couch and crouched in front of her stepfather, holding one of his hands. "Maddie told me what happened. I was worried about you. How are you feeling?"

"I thought I was strong enough to overcome this, but I'm clearly not. I feel like I won't ever be the same anymore." The British man confessed, his blue eyes mirrored the sadness within himself, his confession not being entirely shocking to the ginger. She squeezed his hand and sat beside him, holding him near her as if he was a little child, scared of the big mean world. She couldn't blame him, she was standing almost in the exact same spot as him, wondering why the world was being so cruel.

"I understand. I don't feel the same anymore and honestly, I miss my old self. My mom was really important to us. I'd like to believe she kept us somehow sane." Even though being nineteen was considered being an adult, the words that left her mouth mostly appeared to come from someone older.

"Oh, and she was. She was the reason I was giving life a second chance."

"Wait wasn't it love...that you gave a second chance?" Signe eyes widened in shock. Had Daniel actually thought about committing suicide? Unfortunately, it was something she could imagine going through his head after losing his first wife and daughter.

"I never told Jolene this. I thought it wasn't necessary, I wasn't going to do it anymore." Her stepfather began explaining as he grabbed the tv remote and turned the television off. His eyes focused on her again, a sigh escaping his lips as he recalled the darkest moments of his life. "When my first wife and daughter died, I just wasn't myself anymore. I mean, how could I? Guilt was consuming me. I tried to blame the person who took them away from me, but I just couldn't. I could only think ' Daniel, how could you let your family die? You could have avoided it or at least died with them'. I told that to myself so many times I decided that dying would be the best. It would bring me peace. But guess what? I was afraid of dying. Afraid of damaging what was left of my family and hurt them even further, so I tried to move forward. I didn't start living forward until I met your mother. It felt like a sign for me, to keep going. Then the anniversary of Annabelle's and Tisha's death came up and I actually considered in...but my life was gaining meaning again. It brought some sense to my head and I chose to give life one more chance."

"I...I don't know what to say." The ginger was speechless. Last night she had thought she was sure he wouldn't commit suicide, yet there it was, a confession of how he intended to do it and how it could cross his mind again." You're not..You're not thinking about...are you?"

"No, Signe, I'm not. I promised I would look after you. Besides, I just want to find that sparkle of hope, like I did when I met your mother, to keep me going. I just need that and I think I can start trying to...to live a life again."He told her with a thin smile, his eyes shimmering with a small light. "I know life hasn't been fair to me, but I still think that can change. Despite all the crap I've been through I was able to still see the beauty life has and that beauty, no matter how small it was, it's worth living for."

Signe opened her mouth to say something, yet no sound came out of it. No words seem to adequate to that speech, so they stood in silence for a moment, listening to those words slowly on their minds. 

"Do you remember when you said you would teach me how to play the piano?" The ginger questioned him, bringing her eyes from her lap to his face. Daniel nodded and she kept going. "Did the piano bring you joy?"

"Oh, if it did!" Daniel exclaimed, this time smiling widely at her. He chuckled all of the sudden, probably recalling happy moments from when he played the instrument. 

"Maybe...Maybe that can be your sparkle of hope."

"It's worth giving it a try." Then he got up, asked the girl if she wanted a coffee to which she said yes and left her alone in the living room for a few minutes. She was still chocked with his confession, yet in a way, it wasn't that surprising. Your mind gets so dark blinding you, numbing your senses and make you think about certain things you wouldn't dare to think about before, however, it required a little of will to see the light shining at the end of the tunnel, inviting you warmly to come back, to be joyful again. Daniel saw it and the ginger was glad he did. That man was able to bring happiness people like her and her mother. Signe shared the opinion that life could be a cruel bitch, but you should punch it and tell it to back off. "I'm going to get my piano back and hopefully you find a little time to let me teach you."

"Of course I will!"

Seeing that Daniel was a feeling slightly better, Signe smiled to herself feeling as well better, although she was still worried about Alex and what it would happen to their friendship, however, she had no other choice but listen to Shawn when he told her he just needed some time.

Later on, she sat on her bed, on Blake's apartment, thinking that her life needed a new change. It had been nice living with Blake, yet it was time she moved on and lived by herself. She would save money to pay Blake afterward, considering she wasn't the biggest help when she was extremely down. She picked up her laptop and began her search for small apartments she could afford, singing a random melody that formed in her head while scrolling through the selling apartments, clicking on those she found appealing. Daniel's story never left her mind, Signe couldn't help but think that he lost two women he loved, he would never grow old with any of them, lost his biological daughter who he would no see marrying with the love of her life, or having kids, instead what he had left beside his family was the ginger. In a certain way, it pressured her to be the perfect stepdaughter, to make sure, somehow his inner wishes would be satisfied. It will never be the same as if Tisha survived, yet it was better than nothing, right? 

The girl stopped typing, her eyes diverting towards the window, not really looking at what she could see outside, her mind slipping into another state. She hadn't visited her mother's grave once and she felt like she had to do it soon, face something painful and come out of it as victorious. 

That is what life is. It crumbles upon you, it tries to crush you with its weight, it pressures you and it hurts you and in the end, you fight it until you can no more and come out of the war victorious, covered in scratches and blood, but knowing it was worth it. Don't let life crush you.