I exist I exist I exist

Butterflies

I don't know what to write about anymore. I write chapters but I just end up deleting them.

I'm driving through some hills in Austin right now. My stepdads parents came from Mexico to visit for Christmas so we all went up here to have a sort of vacation.

Last night we went to the trail of lights and it was pretty nice, but the lights were messing with me and I got super dizzy and it didn't help that there was hundreds of people moving around and it was too much for me to handle so I had to sit down for a bit. That happens to me a lot when there's weird lighting and it's even worse when there's a lot of people. My mom and I went To Walmart i think last week, and the lights were so harsh and there was so many people and I started panicking and then I lost my mom after she told me to look for apple cider and I didn't know where to go I thought maybe she was checking out but she wasn't so I went to see if she had gotten cotton balls and there was so many people and the lights were so bright and I was almost crying and hyperventilating it was weird idk why.

Listening to Troye Sivan right now and it's great.

I'm sad. I always do something wrong and mess things up. That's why I can never keep friendships. I don't try to but I can never keep up with it. I want to be someone else. Why was I made to be this person? I get angry to quick and I overthink and I get scared easily and I can't do anything for myself and I'm just a waste of a human being. I don't want to be me.