I exist I exist I exist

Clean

I've had the need for everything to be clean lately. I deleted all of my pictures but some of Kiah and Cynthia, deleted most texts, and rearranged and cleaned my room. It feels nice to have everything clean and orderly. I made myself a little sad by reading some of Brain Junk.

I've been binge watching House and playing Cavetown only for about two weeks now. My dad asked me what I was listening to one day and he had me put it on speaker in the car and he called him a faggot and said he has bad music. He's my favorite singer, though, and I don't care what anyone else thinks tbh.

Oof I want to put it off but I know I won't be able to rest until I empty my trash bins. It keeps me up if my rooms not clean lol. The weekend before last I was about to go to bed and decided to clean it up in the morning but as I sat down my brain was like "haha nope, sorry nerd" and that's how I started deep cleaning my room at 2 am.

I have to put up my scissors that are at the foot of my bed, throw away the ziplock bags from my snack, hang my jacket on my chair, put my French horn downstairs and put my music in my bag so I don't forget it, empty my trash bins, and then turn off all my fairy lights then ill be set for bed.

I haven't really talked to anyone much lately, just have been watching House and cleaning. I'm not like isolating myself or anything like last time and i still talk to friends a decent amount but for the most part I just do idk what. Talking to people often overwhelms me. I prefer to daydream about people and come up with conversations and things I do with people instead of actually talking and doing things with them.

My lavender's growing. Yesterday I had matrix out by the window to get some fresh air and the little guy hopped onto the pot and ate one of those white things in the soil. I hope he's okay cause there's not much I can do for the guy. I don't know why he would want to eat it or see it even remotely appetizing but idk. Maybe he thought it was a tasty treat and was his way of telling me he needs some more vitamins. I'll figure it out.

I have to finish cleaning now, goodnight my dudes