I exist I exist I exist

Tired

Tuesday, May 22
I'm pretty tired and I feel a little bit of sadness. I had my last band concert for the year today and that went okay I guess. I also got my first ever cavity filled. It feels kinda weird. My room is clean and it feels open and safe and pure. I met a guy named Luke a while ago and he's pretty cool. It feels weird though. I don't know. Hey, I'm proud of myself tho, it's been a while and I haven't confided every detail of my life in him. Maybe that's a sign of independence. Who knows.

I don't know what to write. Things feel hazy right now. Maybe I need sleep. This chapter is hardly 100 words so I'll come back and write more another day when I can think more clearly.

Tuesday, May 29

My rooms dirty but I'm going to clean it. I've been feeling a little funny lately. I don't know how to explain it exactly. Fuzzy, kind of.

Sunday, June 3

I want to travel the world. I want to go out and try new foods and hear new languages and meet new people. Unfortunately, if I was ever to do that i would be too afraid to go out and do everything I wanted to do. I limit myself too much. I want to move out to a new town where nobody know me and i can start fresh. I want to live in a small town where everybody knows each other. I know it wouldn't  be like in my head and I'm just romanticizing it but damn I just want that.

If I ever get a house i think I want the walls to be a pale green. I want big windows for the sunlight to come in and make things brighter. I kind of want to get out of Texas as well. It's nice down here and I love all my friends and family but I don't know, sometimes I just want to go. Plus Houston is like #1 for human trafficking so yikes.

I really want a nice house or even apartment where my friends can come over and we can bake things and Amber can burn more cookies.

I'm listening to Bon Iver again. Very nice. Friday my biology teacher took everyone who made a 100 on the staar our to eat and she bought us all our dinner and everyone got a cannoli for desert too. My favorite teacher also came along so it was real nice to have my two favorite teachers there. Kyle ordered a medium pepperoni pizza, ate most of the appetizers, and took the bread as well.
He also told us about his ex con grandmother who lived in Japan for 15 years so she made really good Japanese food. Don't really know how that came up in conversation. It was really fun even though I was extremely awkward and had no clue what to do. I don't really know how my teacher even knew who I was considering I never spoke unless I had to. I think the only reason she might remember me is because I made a 100 on the staar.

Matrix's head skin is shedding slower than the rest of his body so he's got a big white skin flap for a hat now.

I'm with my dad for June now and I have no friends so oof. Luke said he's going to keep me company so I hope he doesn't forget who I am lol. Idk what else to say. I'm feeling better than I did earlier. Yup I think that's all