I exist I exist I exist

Im sorry

I'm sorry for always messing things up and getting in the way, I'm sorry for needing too much attention and I'm sorry for being annoying. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop. I need to do something, fix myself. I can't. I feel... I don't know. Empty? No. I feel sadness. But I can't cry. I started, but I can't anymore. Just feel like such a waste of space. I hate being a burden on people and I try not to be but all I ever do I beg for the attention of others and waste their time. Sometimes I spend entire days of thinking of ways to end my life, of how to do it quick and how to keep my brother from finding my body and how to make sure people would get notes from me. It's something that I can never get off of my mind, no matter how hard I try. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why am I such a fuck up?

I'm a bad friend. I'm too selfish. I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry. I wish I was never born. I could have spared everyone so much suffering.

All I have caused is pain to others. Why was I born? My mom was on birth control when she got pregnant with me. Why couldn't it have worked? I am sick of feeling like shit every single day. I'm so tired of this awful feeling. I want it to stop. I just wish I could stop hurting people. I would do anything to stop them from hurting because of me. Perhaps they would be better with me gone? I wouldn't be able to bother them. They could be happy. Maybe. I don't know.

I'm just sick of these thoughts in my head.