Last night wasn't a very good night.
I had spent the day cleaning the kitchen and other things around the house until my dad came back from my grandparents. When he came back he acted like I had done nothing and shouldn't be laying down, but I had only been laying down for ten minutes before he came in. I had had soup for lunch and left the bowl on my nightstand and forgot to wash it because I'm a dumb person and he got upset about that, then he got mad because I didn't make my bed well enough. I almost cried as I washed my bowl, but I shoved it all down and got it in control. Eventually he thanked me for cleaning the kitchen well and hugged me, then we ate. At 9:40 I gave the dog her pill and then told everyone goodnight because I could barely keep my eyes open. I went to my room and locked the door while I changed into a night shirt then got in bed and fell asleep really quickly.
The next thing I knew I was being shaken awake. I opened my eyes and my dad and his girlfriend were standing above me glaring at me. My dad yelled something like "why aren't you up?" So I sat up in bed, still half asleep and confused. I had no idea what time it was or what I did to make them so angry with me. My dad unplugged my phone and took it from my nightstand after checking the notifications. They began to leave, but then stood at the doorway glaring at me for what felt like hours. I was so confused and was racking my head with possible scenarios of what I'd done. Did I forget to do something? Did I break something? I had absolutely no idea what I'd done.
Nikki spoke up. She told me that I left my door locked and they had been knocking on it for a long time, that Gabriel called me, she called me, and my dad called me several times. I looked at the door and there's a hole in it. Was that there before? No, surely I would have noticed that earlier.
I looked at the doorframe and saw that it was busted as well.
She asked me what would have happened if the house was on fire? I stayed silent. She told me I would have died. I wanted to tell them it was an accident and that I was sorry but the words wouldn't come and I was still half asleep and shaken from waking up to their shouts and glares. I get why they're mad, I shouldn't have locked the door. It's dangerous. My dad was seething and yelled something at me that I can't remember. He told me I'm not allowed to shut my door and they went to their room. They left the hall light on.
I laid back down and I started to feel myself want to cry. I tried to shove it all down but all I could think of is how I wanted to talk to James and how I wanted to go home and see my mom. It was the thought of my mom that made the tears fall. I had no clue what time it was. It could have been 10:30 or it could have been 4:00 am. That's what upset me the most. I was already so disoriented from being waken up like that but to top it off I had no clue what time it was. I felt miserable. I couldn't stop crying. I could hear my dad yelling in his room which is right next to mine. Nikki did something and he said in that almost yell angry voice thing "would you stop that? I'm a little pissed right now." They spoke for a while about it until the subject changed and they started laughing. I kept crying until my sobs started to make noise. I tried to keep it quiet but little hiccups of cries came out every few seconds. I would calm down but then a few moments later I'd think of my mom or home or not being able to talk to James and I'd feel the ache in my chest again and I'd start crying. Someone left the bedroom and i yanked the covers up over my head and tried to stop shaking. Part of me wanted them to come in and talk to me but a bigger part of me just wanted them to leave me alone. I didn't want their voice, I wanted my moms. I wrapped my arms around my body and tried to pretend it was my mom and that she was holding me together. They turned off the hall light and closed their bedroom door. I fell asleep crying.
I woke up to my dad yet again. This time there was light from the window and I wasn't so disoriented. He told me to get up. I didn't want to see him. I kept my eyes closed and pulled up the covers. He dropped the cats on me and they climbed all over me. He kept saying "get up, get up! The dog needs her medicine! Get up! Give the dog her medicine!" He left after a while. I looked at the door hoping maybe it was just a bad dream. Nope, there's the hole.
I got out of bed because Mandy needs her medicine and I know nobody else is going to give it to her. When I stand the lock to the door is at my feet, and wood pieces are scattered around the floor. Rip door.
I give the dog her medicine and my dad talked to me.
"Why did you have the door locked?"
"I was changing and forgot to unlock it."
"Do you know how long we knocked on the door?"
"No."
I went back to bed. He came in after a while and talked about something idk basically repeating what Nikki said to me last night. I was tired and didn't feel like feeling things so I just said nothing. He's going to have to pay like 300 bucks to replace the door now. I cause too much damage.
He gave me back my phone and there is only one missed call.
talking to people has made me feel better. My dad made chocolate cream of wheat so that also helps. I know I'm overreacting but idk I just wanted to talk about it I guess. Sorry for wasting your time.
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I exist I exist I exist
RandomYeah so I don't feel comfortable writing personal things in falling anymore so I'll make this one to write out my feelings