I lay on the bed in the hospital, Shawn's never far away. He won't really leave the room unless I tell him to. All was well, I met his parents, and after a couple of awkward minutes I became really comfortable and all was well. When they left Aaliyah stayed and Shawn and I laid on the couch pretty much the whole night, but about an hour before I got all of these pains we were in bed. We were having fun, it was slow and he just loved on my the whole time. "You feeling better?" He whispers. He's so sweet and he really cares about me, I've learned that throughout this whole hospital trip. He brought me here when I told him it wasn't just period cramps.
"A little, but it's happening more frequently now." I mumble cuddling my head into his chest while another pain hits. "It hurts," I whisper and he pouts.
"I called your family," he smiles. "They said they were coming as fast as they could." He nods at me as reassuringly as possible.
"We have the test results," the doctor nods. Looking between me and Shawn. "This is the result of a pregnancy and a miscarriage." The doctor sighs at me. My jaw drops and Shawn just brings me closer, he doesn't want me to see him, but I can hear his crying. "The trouble is, with a miscarriage you still have to deliver the baby."
"I can't do that," I shake my head.
"You have to," he sighs gently giving me a nod. "It'll be very easy, and the pains will go away once the baby's been delivered."
"How did we not know," he mumbles into my hair leaning his head against mine.
"We just didn't," I shrug turning my head so we face each other.
"Our poor baby," he sighs kissing my cheek. "Our poor, poor baby." They set things up for the birth of our child, our baby. One that we can't have and hold, not could we love and cherish this child because it's not here. It wasn't ready to meet us yet, so it left.
"Our baby's gonna go back into creation, and it's gonna come back to us, and it's gonna be perfect next time." I explain and he nods. I don't know if he believes ninety percent of the things I've said to him but he's agreeing so that I can stay calm.
"We're here, we're here," my parents burst through the door, it couldn't have been at a worse moment.
"Can you guys go wait outside," I point them away, they look at me and at Shawn and then around the room. "Please." I say a kinda harshly. I just need them to go, I don't want them in here right now.
"Want me to go out too?" Shawn stands while my family leaves. "I'll do whatever you want just tell me." He holds my hand while they raise my bed.
"Will you stay?" I whisper. "And hold my hand?" I mumble in pain almost. "I need someone." I let tears fill my eyes as if finally starts to take its tole.
"Baby girl don't cry," he begs. "Please not now, not ever. I don't wanna see you sad." He kisses my cheek. "It hurts more." I give him a pout and sigh wrapping my free hand around his.
"Are you ready?" The nurse looks up at me. "We can start whenever."
"Let's do it," I sigh while Shawn pulls my hair back.
"All I need from you is for you to put you chin on your chest your legs into these things and I want you to push as hard as you can."
"You can do it baby I promise," he whispers into my ear while letting my squeeze his hand in pain. It's the most pain I've ever felt in my life. Just pushing this baby out is killing me, but I'd do it again, it's so it over thousands of times just so that we could have one or two little babies to love and care for. "You're doing great princess, you're doing so well. Just keep going," he reassures pulling my head against his chest when the doctor tells me I can stop.
"I know you had to work hard for no reward in the end and I'm very sorry about that, so we'll offer you a Bed here, for the next few days until you regain your strength and composure if you'd like?" Shawn just wants to go home and I know it but a Bed here sounds nice, and I might need the constant monitoring. Especially after this. My mental health will be a big issue in my everyday life now.
"What do you think babe?" I look over at him, I have my mind made up but it was his baby too, and I think he deserves a little say.
"I think if this could help you, or be beneficial in anyway then you should do it. And I'm alright with whatever you choose to do." I nod at him mumbling a thank you.
"If there's the space, I'll take a room." Shawn nods down at me with pride and a look of relief.
"We'll go get it ready for you, a nurse will come and get you as soon as it's ready." They bring out a bag with them, one I assume our child is in.
"You wanna talk about it?" He sits down in the chair next to me.
"I'm sad," I pout and he nods while my tears start to fall. "If, If, I'd just made better decisions in my life, then maybe I could've saved another." I groan and he shakes his head.
"You weren't doing anything wrong, nothing at all." He hums kissing my cheek. "You would've been an amazing mom, I know it." He sniffs gently looking up at me. "And I'm sorry that things happened the way they did." He kisses my temple. "I'm gonna go get your family alright?" He smiles and I nod slowly. "And I'm gonna call my parents if you're ok with that?" I nod softly while he leaves me alone in the room. I wish he hadn't gone but I kicked my family out and he's being very considerate.
"You will experience heavy bleeding for a while, we suggest adult diapers for most of our patients, but if there anything you prefer go ahead and use that." A doctor nods. "Someone will be down shortly to bring you up."
"Darling What happened?"
