I watch him lay in bed, Brooke sitting next to him while I keep the kids out. For whatever reason they're taking him off of the antidepressants, but not slowly or anything. They're not even making him do another test, they're just taking them away, and Brooke is responsible for doing so. When she gave him his pills he noticed and she couldn't give it to him. "That was a yummy breakfast mama." Skylar smiles and I kiss her forehead clearing her plate. "I'm gonna go play with Daisy upstairs ok?" I nod and send her away, Scott follows behind them after I grab the last plate before him.
"Shawn!" Brooke gasps while I listen to the smashing of something and a scream like noise that I know came from my husband. I grab my baby boy and make off to assess the situation. "Sorry Cameron," She sighs hauling him onto the bed. His limp body. "I gave him something to put him to sleep, unfortunately he came after me at the wrong time and I whipped out a sedative that will result in momentary paralysis. It'll last a couple of hours." I nod looking for what he smashed. "He just broke the glass on a picture frame." She nods hoping I don't ask which one. I can see it in her eyes.
"Was it one of our wedding photos?" I sigh touching his cheek.
"He got really mad looking at it. He said it stressed him out and he didn't want to look at it." She sighs lifting it off of the ground. "I'm sorry." I shrug simply brushing my thumb over his cheek.
"The things you've put us through." I huff a little kissing his forehead. "This isn't fair." I lean my forehead against his. "This wasn't supposed to happen." I fluff his soft hair.
"He's just upset, he'll get better Cam. I'm gonna make sure of it." We missed what would've been our honeymoon because of a seizure he had on our wedding day. I've rearranged my whole life to accommodate his needs. He doesn't think anything's changed, and I don't let him. Nothing has changed with our family, he will always put us first. But when it comes to just the two of us, there's not a single similarity. I love him to death, and that won't ever change. But he's not good with contact that he doesn't initiate, so as much as I like to think that I hug him, I merely hold my arms open and hope that he doesn't leave me empty handed. I can kiss his cheek and forehead and pretty much anywhere else other than his lips. He has to initiate that too, I just shut my eyes and move closer he does everything else.
"There's nothing that wrong with him," I hum laying my baby boy on his daddy. "He just gets scared." I lift Noah off of his chest. I just hope we never go back to the aggressive version of him. I like the sensitive, vulnerable, one that cries over everything version of him.
"I'm gonna help him control his fear." She nods. She had a good job that she hated, and she lives with us because of it, all she pitches in on is the electricity and grocery bill. Everything else is offered as a luxury and thank you for watching my husbands health. "I'm gonna get him a drip," she nods grabbing he various medical things she needs. She hooks him up to an IV and a heart monitor leaving the defibrillator on his night table just in case something happens.
"I assume you'll have to sleep in here tonight?" She nods sadly.
"You can still stay in the bed though, it's just in case anything goes wrong. I need to be here right away and a couple of extra seconds could save his life." I nod as does she.
"I'm sorry he got so aggressive." I mumble.
"Don't be sorry Cameron, I understand." She hugs me softly. "He'll be asleep for a little longer," She nods grabbing Noah from my arms and laying him in his crib.
"Alright," I nod kissing his cheek. "Daisy and Skylar are upstairs with Scott, if you want to go play with them?" I smile and she nods leaving me but only because he's unconscious.
...
"Don't cry," he hums bringing me into his chest. "Don't cry, I'm sorry princess I don't want you to cry." He hums.
"I don't know if this is gonna work." I mumble and he pouts letting me go.
"If what's gonna work? She scared me that's all baby, I'll make it work." He nods sternly and I sigh he puts his head against my shoulder. "It's the nurse you're talking about, isn't it?" He begs holding his head against me.
"I don't know if us being together will work, there's too many things that can go wrong. We have two babies Shawn."
"I'm trying Cameron, I'm trying really hard. And there will never be a point in my life when they don't come first." He squeezes me. "We've been married two weeks."
"There's a lot of unknowns with your condition, I don't know what might happen and what won't. Plus you're not good at communicating."
"I'm not bad at communicating." He balls his fists but doesn't let me go. He's still so gentile and kind no matter how angry.
"You just don't know how to tell me, or anyone else what's wrong." I brush my fingers through his hair. "Well try it out this year, but if it gets to hard for me Shawn you need to understand." He stops me with a soft nod.
"If I become to much of a burden you'll leave," he nods. "I understand."
"You're not a burden,"
"I am to you, my medical needs, I'm just extra weight and no one deserves that."
"I love you, I love you to death." I kiss his head. "But I love my kids too, and I need them to be stable before I can love anyone else."
