"I didn't know." She mumbles in fear almost. "I'm sorry I wasn't thinking I was just," I can't listen to another word of it. She apologizes to much for things that she does deliberately without talking to anyone. She just ignores us until it's too late and then pretends to care. "Please? Come back inside." She takes a two closer and I take another step back. "Come to bed, Skylar can sleep with us, we'll talk about this Shawn." She doesn't want me to jump and I can't think of doing anything else, there's no solution to my sadness. I tried to find comfort in my daughter but it was no where and my wife hasn't been doing her part as a spouse since we got pregnant the first time. "Please?" She nears slowly hoping I don't notice.
"You're so oblivious." I groan a little looking at the empty pool, I'm closer to that than I am the cement but I wouldn't be as hurt if I hit the cement surrounding it. "I told you this was gonna happen, I told you, you just found the note."
"I'm scared Shawn, please, come here, just walk towards me." I never once considered suicide an option, but I'm at the end of my rope.
"Daddy," Skylar giggles standing next to her crying mama. "Come on daddy it's cold," she shivers running in to grab a blanket.
"Skylar go inside." Cameron points at the girl who's desperately trying to get me to enter. She's such a good little girl, I love that about her. Her personality won't allow anyone to get hurt, she wouldn't let anyone get hurt no matter what risk it gives herself.
"Daddy come on," she urges. "It's cold, you're gonna get too cold." She crosses her arms at me and I sigh walking towards her right past Cameron, I won't acknowledge her.
"It's bed time Skylar, you're supposed to be in bed." I scold.
"I saw you outside through my new window." She pouts. "Don't get hurt daddy," she squeezes me tightly I know Cameron's right behind us but Skylar can't see her, she has the blanket over my head and shoulders blocking her view. "We have to stick together now remember, mama has Noah. I need someone." She begs and I sigh squeezing her.
"Ok," I kiss her head. "Now go to sleep, I'm gonna make some tea." I nod, I can't lie to her not anymore. She's so smart it makes me so mad.
"Alright daddy, Goodnight." She squeezes me again. "I love you."
"I love you too sweetheart." I kiss her cheek and she kisses mine before running up the stairs to her room.
"Are you gonna come to bed?" Cameron squeezes my shoulders kissing the back of my neck. "Say something to me, you've been ignoring me for so long." She begs.
"I can't stand you." I mumble and she backs off. "You're so obsessed with that kid." My fists clench.
"I don't mean to be, he's my baby though, and don't you try to pretend for a second that you didn't do this to me with Skylar." She points.
"Every single night after you put her to bed, I did everything you wanted, every morning, every day that she went with someone to baby sit her it was about you. I'm not even talking about now, he needs help and I'm not a monster I will let you help him. But for the whole three years we tried for him, every time we thought we had one you pushed me to the curb."
"You could've talked to me, that note was terrible." She grabs my hand.
"It was the truth." I spit at her breathing hard from all of the yelling.
"You think that I'm so awful that I wouldn't have cared if I lost you?" She hits my chest. "I love you more than anything, and I need your support and continuous affection throughout the whole thing." She kisses my softly. "I will not loose you, to something so stupid." She demands.
"It's not stupid to me, and if you'd payed any attention to me these past few years you'd know."
"You know I didn't mean that," she begs a little.
"I don't know that, I don't know anything about you anymore. I made your favourite dinner yesterday and you didn't even sit with us. I did all of the laundry and cleaned the house while you painted Skylar's room blue for our boy, and you didn't even notice. You just yelled at me. I've been doing all of that for the past eight months."
"Cleaning isn't the only thing that matters, I've been taking care of our baby." She huffs back.
"You've been taking care of Noah, Skylar hasn't seen her mama in months. And I don't mean you." I shake my head. "You're not the woman I fell in love with, and you are not the woman I married." I growl almost. "I love you Cameron, I love you to death, but I don't love this new version of you."
"We'll talk in the morning," she sighs when Noah starts screaming, he's either got a wet diaper, needs to eat, or is feeling deprived of his mother's affection, it's been a whole five minutes since she last held him.
"Princess," I sigh at her, she's asleep but buried in the blankets in fear that monsters will attack, she's so scared and she doesn't need to be. "My poor girl."
...
"Why is everyone here?" I groan a little, I knew she'd never really let me get him. "Get them out," I growl at Cameron not noticing my little girl who sits next to her mama.
"We're worried daddy." She pouts, my heart melts a little.
"There's nothing to worry about princess, I'm ok." I kiss her forehead.
"Will you see a doctor?" Cameron's hand slips into mine. "For us?" She begs a little.
"I don't need to see a doctor, I'm fine." I huff a little.
"If you're fine you can see a doctor and they'll tell you the same thing." She kisses my hand. "Just to be safe."
