I hold one of my girls on my hip Shawn and the other are sleeping together. He was putting her down for a nap and passed out too, Charm however doesn't want to sleep. She gets nervous when Shawn isn't awake with her but she gives him a lot of anxiety. It's really hard to witness as her mom, his wife, and caregiver. It brakes my heart a little more every single time I see it. When he's on the couch she'll try to crawl up with him, he'll pick her up and hold her for a minute and then she'll get excited and he can't be near her anymore. She likes to jump and play and he can't handle that, it makes him nervous and then he'll throw her away. I have to intervene before that happens. Precious is a lot more calm she just wants to cuddle and sleep so he's spends most of his time with her. He generally ignores the other kids, not on purpose but they're also getting too much for him to handle. "Hi mama." Noah smiles tossing his bag to the side and running in to get hugs. I have to be both mom and dad with these kids.
"Hi mama," Skylar smiles hugging me as well while she stares at her giddy little sister. "Hello cutie," she smiles at the baby. "I'll take her mama, go check on dad." She smiles kissing her little sisters cheek which makes her squeal with excitement.
"Skylar," I scold slightly and she gasps. She forgot, after all of the time we spent away she forgot that she can't do that when Shawn's sleeping. He'll wake and scream or throw and brake something and if it happens now it'll be our baby.
"I'm sorry," she looks down sadly cuddling the little one. That's all she really wants, she gets excited with Shawn because he never cuddles her. If he would just hold her more she'd be much more calm. "I didn't mean to."
"I know you didn't sweetheart." I sigh at my oldest daughter. She's so upset all of the time. Everyone in this house is miserable and he can barely see it he will occasionally ask what's wrong, but he would never understand the answer. "Come here Noah, let's check on daddy." I smile at my baby boy. He was the happiest little boy. He just liked to jump around and laugh when he was young. When Shawn got hurt he started forgetting and Noah was one of the first things to go. He barely acknowledges he exists.
"Daddy won't wanna see me mama," he gives me the saddest smile I've ever seen. "Daddy doesn't remember." He blinks sitting on the couch. "But I'll take Precious mama, she remembers me!" He smiles with the utmost excitement in his voice.
"Thank you for being so helpful." I kiss his head and then skip off to collect my daughter before he injures her.
"Get her off," he growls paralyzed by his fear of the poor sleeping child. "Get her off!" He screams making our baby scream and cry.
"Shawn," I scold and his eyes widen.
"What did I do?" He blinks I can't even look at him anymore it hurts me to look at him.
"Nothing," I sigh. "Go back to sleep." I kiss his forehead and walk out. "She's fussy, daddy woke her up." I explain even bough I know he heard Shawn yell.
"It's happening tonight isn't it?" Noah looks up. His round eyes forming big pools of tears. "You're gonna get rid of him tonight." Noah whispers.
"I'm not getting rid of him." I sit in between my kids pulling both of them closer. "Daddy just needs to go get better, so I'm going to send him somewhere where he can get better. Lovey and Avo think it's best." I lean against my sons head and then I kiss my daughters.
"Dads leaving?" She blinks and I nod.
"Your lovey and avo want daddy to go back home, I'm gonna let go of your daddy, for his own sake." I squeeze the ids with all I'm able to. "Your daddy is broken, and we can't fix him here." I sigh standing. "What do you want for dinner?" I kneel in front of my dad kids. The babies just look numb as if they've understood everything that I know they couldn't possibly. "We can have anything you want?" I smile feeling my husbands warm lips press against my forehead.
