Illusion {l.t}

{xxxvii}

Four month later

*Christina's pov*

Turned out, i am pregnant, we had forgotten about the protection, and yeah basically, theres a baby growing in my tummy, literally and I've been getting fatter, not fat, just a small bump is growing.

Wow, it's just so weird to know that there's a human forming inside of you. i was never the kind of girl who wanted to get pregnant, ever. i never wanted to have children, i literally hate children, and now theres one growing inside of me and i already love it.

It's been four months, me and louis have been together for a year and a half, but after a month of me being pregnant, louis started coming home late. And right now, 1:19am, i'm laying in bed, alone, waiting for louis to come home, he'll be home soon, i know it.

We've not made love after knowing that I'm pregnant, even though the doctor said it doesn't effect the baby in any way if we make love, and i don't mind, it's him, he doesn't want to.

I feel the urge to wee, i slowly leave the bed, walking in the dark room, i bump into something hard that knocks me to the floor, i cry out in pain, but no one's there to help, I'm alone, I'm all alone.

Louis' pov

I payed the cab the money they asked for, i left the cab, stumbling to the front door. I unlocked it and walked inside.

Drunk, knocked up, dizzy, i walked in stumbling on my own foot. Using the wall to guide me inside, i opened our room's door, turning on the light, hearing faint cries, i looked to the ground, Christina sat there, blood surrounding her, my heart stopped for a moment, and when it restarted, it shot a pain i couldn't resist looking at her like that. My guilt growing, and i realised, I'm such a bad person, scratch that, I'm such a horrible person, i left her after she was one months pregnant and left her, only came at midnight when she would be awake waiting for me, i would leave in the mornings, come back during lunch, and leave in the afternoon and come back at midnight 1:30am.

How could i do this to her? How could i leave her the time when she needs me most? How could i leave her and go fuck different girls every night? How could i come home drunk every night?

She was oblivious to what I've been doing, if she knew, she would kill me, she would be so broken that i won't be able to handle the pain of seeing her so fragile and broken. I've already hurt her enough, i got her trust back after a long 100 days and more, i can't lose her again. I can't go to that mode again, why the fuck would i do such a thing again? Why the fuck did i fuck up again? Why am i such a fuckin fuck up? Fuck!

I rubbed my temples, trying to come to normal. Without waisting another moment, i kneeled down, carrying her, i ran out of the house.

Stopping a cab in the middle of the night, i asked them to take us to the nearest hospital. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I should've stayed home, i should've never left her in the first place, i should've stayed by her side all the time, i should've comfort her, i should've been there for her. If only i never started going to the bar every night, if only i stood by her side, helped her, been there for her, she wouldn't have lost her-our baby.

And then, it hit me.

Because of my not loyal acts, she lost our baby. She lost it, i caused our baby to die.

My heart broke and the cab driver stopped the car and i payed, rushing to the hospital doors, the nurses saw me and rushed over to me, taking her from my arms, they rolled her away and i stood there, my shirt and pants now covered with blood, my hands also, i froze watching them roll her away from me.

"Sir, sir, you need to sit down, here have a glass of water" i faintly heard a voice beside me say, putting their hands on my shoulder. I shook my head.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. How am i supposed to forgive myself?

I shook my head and walked slowly over to the room my baby was unconscious at.

A few minutes of standing in front of her door, the doctor walked out of the room, a fake frown on his face.

"Are you the madam's husband? Brother? Relative?" He asked

"Husband" i don't know why i lied, but i wanted to be her husband, but after this, i don't think she wants to be my wife.

"Im sorry sir, but she lost the baby.." I nodded, my heart breaking even more now.

"You can see her, she's awake" the doctor said, i nodded, and walked in.

"Louis" she cried, "we lost the baby, I'm so sorry, i was going to go the bathroom, the light was off, i bumped into something and i.." I cut her off by apologising. She was too oblivious to suspect anything

"Im sorry, chrissy, im sorry for not being there when you needed me, im sorry for not being there at all, i fucked up i know, im sorry, i fuckin love you, and im sorry, we can make another baby, just forgive me" a tear rolled down my cheeks as i held her hand, kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheek, her lips. "Im sorry" i whispered

"Its okay, louis" she mumbled.

"Are you okay?" I asked

She nodded weakly and i nodded as well.

My phone rang in my pocket. I ignored it, looking at her deep green eyes.

"Your phone" she mumbled

"Excuse me" i excused myself and walked out of her room, and to the halls of the hospital. Taking my phone out of my pocket, eleanor's name popped out. I frowned my eyebrows and answered

"Louis" her annoying voice filled my ears

I rolled my eyes "what is it? What do you want? Its almost 2am" i said, annoyance in my voice.

"Louis, im pregnant, youre the father" and right then, its like everything stopped.

"Louis! Louis!" Her voice brought me back from my unconsciousness.

I hung up on her, putting the phone back yo my pocket and images of me fuckin Eleanor passed in front of my eyes.

I fucked her last week, she insisted to and wouldn't take a no for an answer, fuck. What have i gotten myself into?

The reason i kept fuckin girls everyday was because i couldn't fuck Christina and i needed her, and i wasn't ready to be a father, I'm not ready to be a father. No matter how much i love her, i loved our baby as well, we made it together and i didn't want to hurt it by making love to Christina, what if i accidentally thrusted too hard and it effected the baby. I couldn't, so i went to the pub every night, and there was a girl every night willing to give me pleasure. None of the girls i fucked were as good as Christina, none of them filled my needs, none of their voices were as sweet as Christina's, none of them moaned as sweet as Christina, no one's moans turned me on even more, no one's moans made me cum, none of them were as pleasing as Christina. But i needed them nevertheless. I needed the pleasure, Christina couldn't give to me, well she could but i didn't want her to be tired, i didn't want to pressure her.

I walked back to her room and she was asleep. I sighed and kissed her forehead "I'm so sorry, my love"

(Hi guys! Omfg the feels, i can not. Im sad, literally, oh man! Ugh. Anyways, heres the update! Hope you liked it, please comment your thoughts and vote! Would mean a lot x)