Illusion {l.t}

{xxxxiii}

How could i do this? Shit, shit, shit

I walk out of the room and walk over to the boys table.

"My money" i snap at Niall, and he returns me an evil smirk

I just want to take my money and leave, he hands me the money and leans into the chair

"She good?" He smirks winking at me

I glare at him, then give him a confused look "in bed i mean" he chuckles

"Uh.. yeah" i look away

The boys start causing an anarchy of 'oh's and 'yeah's

I roll my eyes and storm out of the club and head home

I can't help but feel a pang of guilt inside of me. How can i do this again? when clearly, the last time i did it, i got my baby kille-dead. I killed him, well not literally, but yes, it was me, it was all because of me.

i'm such a fuck up

I groan and park my car outside of our home

How can i walk inside when guilt is obvious in my eyes. How can i face her when i cheated on her, for the millionth time.

I have her, why do i keep doing this?

I shake my head and walk inside.

It's 12 already and she's awake, as always.

My heart flashes with hurt as i smile at her.

Her eyes are tired with black bags under them.

I walk over to her, holding her face in my hands, i kiss her forehead.

"Sorry im late" i mumble

"It's okay, i miss you" she leans to kiss my lips

Our lips come in contact and my heart feels like it's been sucked. My heart is so dry, i can't do this.

I keep fucking it up with her, im sure she's been drained, im sure she's so hurt but she's holding on, because she loves me, and i love her, yet i still manage to keep fucking it up.

Maybe it's better if i stop draining her love, maybe it's better if i stop this, stop torturing her like i am for the past year, maybe i should end it, for good.

I'm a no good for anybody, and i really should let her go.

I keep doing these fucked up things, i even went to a therapist but i still do it, why do i get myself involved with people like my friends? Because you're just like them, no wait, you're even worse - my brain mocks me.

I never put myself in her shoes and think about what she's feeling when I'm doing these, when I'm kissing other girls, sleeping with other girls, i'm betting on girls. I keep hurting her, over and over again, I'm never stopping, and I'm not thinking about the consequence on her point of view.

What if she found out that i almost slept with some chick tonight, she'd forgive me, right? Oh who am i kidding

What if she fucked some random guy, what would i do? Id fucking kill the guy, i would be so hurt i would want to die.

Then why the fuck are you doing that to her, you dickhead?!

"is something wrong? You look pale, baby" her angelic voice gets me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, i was just...thinking" i smile

She flashes me a smile, "i love you" she wraps her arms around my neck

"Me too" i say, distracted

Her smile fades, and she lets go of me

"Are you sure you're okay?" A frown attaches to her lips

"Yeah, lets just go to sleep" i force a smile

She nods and we make our way to our room.

We both lye in our bed in utter silence. "lou?" She says, breaking the silence

I look at her, her already looking at me

"Do you love me?" She asks

I turn to my side, facing her. I hold her face in my hand again, and she closes her eyes to seize the moment.

"Of coarse i love you" i kiss her forehead and a tear rolls down her cheek

"Then why wont you tell me the truth" she ignores my eyes

My heart pace quickens as she says those words and i immediately take my hands off her face.

"I.. i do" i stutter

She shakes her head

"Tell me the truth" she demands, tears picking at her eyes, again.

"Okay, i uh" i look away as she looks back at my eyes

"I almost slept with a girl, i swear i stopped it before it would lead to anything!" I confess

She leaves the bed, her tears now running down her cheeks

"Why do you keep doing this to me?!" She cries

"Baby i swear, nothing happened"

"You're lying, stop lying to me" she chokes on air as tears run down her beautiful face

"Baby" i stand and walk over to her

"Listen to me" i say

She shakes her head

"Stop, no this is too much, just" she stops and shakes her head

"Stop just stop torturing me, it hurts, louis, it hurts so bad" she sobs

"I know, im sorry, i.. i dont know why i keep doing it"

"Because you dont love me" she replies coldly

"I, i love you more than myself"

"Then stop! Stop breaking me"

"Im sorry"

"Sorry?! Youre saying sorry? Sorry dont take back what youre doing to me! Sorry doesnt fix shit louis! Sorry's just a word, you always say sorry! And the next day you do the same shit" she lashes

"I know, but i'm" she shakes her head

"You're sorry, i get it, im out" she cuts me off and takes a luggage from under the bed

"What are you doing?" I hold her hands

She leaves my grasp and starts throwing her stuff in the luggage that now sits on our bed

"Im leaving, i cant do this anymore" my heart starts beating fast, and i cant breath

"You cant do that! You know i cant live without you!" I shout, feeling as if my heart will burst out any moment

"Well thats your problem now, louis! Not mine" she snaps

I was taken aback and stare at her, my heart shuttering, my tongue tied and my legs frozen, warm blood reach my heart as i feel it's fast beats increasing and soon it will explode.

I blink as she zips the luggage, steadying it on the ground

"Don't, don't leave me, please" i choke, trying to stay strong but a crack forms on my heart, starting to spread

"Goodbye, louis"

"What about our promise?!" I shout before she leaves

She turns her head, her back facing me, she looks at me with the side of her eyes and shakes her head "You broke it" she takes the ring off her finger, turns around and throws it at me

The ring falls to the ground as i stare at her frame turns around and disappears from the room.

And right then, the cracks in my heart eventually met each other and caused my heart to shatter to pieces.

My legs stood frozen, my mouth agape, i stood there, with tears in my eyes, a ring on the floor next to my right leg, and a massively damaged heart.

(Shit! Haha! Im so sorry for the latest update ever! Im sorry for making yall wait so long!

Please vote, comment and stuff!)