Illusion {l.t}

{xxxxv}

Stepping inside the apartment me and Max shared, i took my heels off, walking barefoot to our room, that we shared together,

with the heels in my hand.

"Chrissy, are you okay? You didn't say a word the entire ride" He asks softly

"Don't call me that" i say, remembering how much i loved that nickname louis had for me, but i hated it when Max called me that, it just didn't felt right. i continued my way to our room

"Im sorry, Chris, you just seem off" he stated, "dont call me that, as well" i mumble

"Then what am i supposed to call you?!" He said, anger visible in his voice but he kept his volume down

"Christina! That's my name, right?" I said, angry as well, but i showed it

"What's wrong, Chrissy...tina" i rolled my eyes and opened the door

"I just want to be alone for a bit" i said and walked in taking my dress off, quickly slipping my pjs on

"But babe" he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him "its our half year anniversary" he stated like i didnt fucking know

"Yea and im tired" i walked to bed

"Then let me make you more tired then we can both sleep peacefully" he said indirectly asking for sex

"That's all you want? Fine! Would you leave me the fuck alone after?"

"Babe, what's gotten into you?" He pouted

"Im just not in the mood" im broken.

"Alright then lets just sleep" he slips into bed and i do too

He kisses my forehead and a tear slips down my cheek but i quickly turn the other way not facing him and quietly sob

I don't love Max, i love Louis, I've been trying to not think about Louis and forcing myself to think i have feelings for Max but the truth is i don't feel comfortable or safe around max, i cant force myself into something i do want to, i want Louis and i need him.

I hear soft snores from next to me, and i know he's sleep.

I sigh as his arms wrap around me, pulling me closer to him.

I hate Max, for being so oblivious, i hate him for not noticing that what i feel for him is not love, for not noticing that i may have liked him at first but then i couldn't continue, when he told me he loved me, i realized i didn't and maybe never even could love him back, i tried to push my feelings towards louis away, but as hard as i tried, it never worked, and i craved his presence mode by each day passing.

Tears were now streaming down my face, sobs escaping my lips.

I need louis next to me, i need louis' comfort, i need louis mumbling sweet nothing in my ear, i need louis to call me chrissy, or chris, i need louis to make pranks on me, i need louis to hold me, to wake me up just because he misses my voice and eyes, i need him, more than anyone could ever imagine, more than i could even imagine.

Im so stupid, I'm so fucking stupid to leave him and never look back, I'm so so stupid, how could i do that to him, to us, after all we've been through, but i was done, it was too much, but now i realized we could've went through it, he hadn't slept with her and he had come clean to me.

I was now holding my face, digging my nails into my cheeks as tears wouldn't stop streaming down my face.

Without even knowing what i was doing i reached my hand to the dresser next to me, grabbing my phone.

Staring at my iPhone, i clicked on the main button, and the screen lit up exposing a picture of me and Max, Max's hand wrapped around my waist and mine around his back as we smiled huge to the camera.

Another tear slipped down my cheek and i swiped the screen from left to right and unlocked my phone.

My finger reached the contact app, and opening it, i scrolled down to the letter L, scrolling a tad down, i came across his name, there still was a red heart emoji next to his contact name which i hadn't erased, i don't even know why i haven't even deleted his number from my phone after all this time but i guess i'm glad now.

Tapping on the contact, i came across his information and i clicked the call button and the screen immediately changed and it started dialing. Holding my phone to my ear, i bit my nails, it was a habit, i always bit either my nails or lip when i was nervous.

It rang couple of times when finally the ringing stopped and a husky deep voice replied

"Hello?"

I froze, i had forgotten his voice, hearing it now seemed so foreign to me.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

I opened my mouth but no words left my mouth

"Is this a sick prank or something because its not funny" he seemed so annoyed

"I.. i.. sorry" i hang up on his face and threw my phone across the room and buried my face in the pillow

How stupid was i? How stupid could i be?

Im so fucked up right now, I'm so fucking fucked up.

I close my eyes trying to sleep but it doesn't overcome me, so i close my eyes trying to sleep, but again, i cant seem to be able to sleep, my thought has taken control and somehow i can not stop thinking about louis, the way he stood there, his eyes boring into me, his voice, and how much i still am head over heels for him.

I feel hot, so hot, my breath started to get slower by the second, my nostrils not letting air pass through, as i feel my lungs growing heavier, i couldnt breath, Max's hand thats wrapped around me is making it harder to breath as i feel my asthma kicking in and attacking me

I try to sit up in the bed, but its useless, Max's hand wraps tighter around me and i feel like dying, i feel like my breath is going to stop and I'm going to faint, or die, i don't really know or care at this point.

I try to swallow the lump that has formed in my throat but it actually gets worse, i sigh as my vision blurs and darkness overcomes my vision instead, i highly doubt that darkness is the slumber.

(Here's the update! I really hope you enjoy it! i know its a late update but i have no motivation to write but anyway, please vote, comment and all that stuff, thank you x)