Illusion {l.t}

{xxxx}

Christina's pov

Today was the day i was gonna go back home. Rose visited few times, helped me out.

Rose stood next to the door, smiling at me, i don't know why she's smiling at me. She walked inside, and i went back to looking at the white ceiling. She nudged me, smiling huge at me, i really don't know why she's so excited at the moment, but i feel like dying. Im emotionally drained and i want to die. A tear skipped my eye as i remembered everything that happened the past few days, and i was now sobbing, my breath hitched, i closed shut my eyes as i cried silently. I heard Rose talking excited but it was all muffled, i couldn't hear her properly, i couldn't make out the words she was sentencing. its like my depression, that's what the doctor says i have, is blocking my real life.

She slowly made me get out of the hospital bed, put the pills in my purse and made me walk out of the hospital after changing to my normal clothes she had brought with her for me.

The car drive was silent, the radio was on, but i didn't listen to it, my thoughts were like an ocean, not allowing me to think outside of my head, it was torturing me even more.

Rose helped me get inside, she held out the pills and talked to me about it but i couldn't hear it, all i could make up from her lips were "you need to take these pills everyday" and moving the pill box talking about it, but other than that i've got no clue what she said after that.

I nodded, taking the pills, she hugged me tight and waved at me, walking out of my house, shutting the door behind her.

I walked to the bathroom, putting the pill box in the cabinet and walked to my room, all i wanted right now was to sleep, and cry, i just want to die.

I lifelessly walked to my room, the bed was made, i don't remember leaving here with a perfectly made bed.

i noticed a paper on the bed, slowly walking over it, i noticed it was a letter, from Louis..

Dear Christina;

Im truly sorry, my love.

I know, i fucked up big time this time, i know i ruined everything, i know i ruined you, i know. And that is why, my love, i thought about giving you space. I just want you to know that, yes i did, i did sleep with different girls every night, but not because i didn't love you anymore, not because i wanted to live my life anymore because i was going to become a father in few more months, no, i don't know why i did it, i was drunk, and every night, the girl would leave because i would moan out your name, my love you don't see it, but i truly love you, i know i'm bad at showing you it, but i truly madly love you, I'm in love with you, i'm in love with everything you do, i love the way you hum while brushing your teeth, and the way your eyes close shut every time you laugh, and crinkles appear at the side of your eyes and on your nose. I love how you bit your lip hard when you're concentrating, i love how you annoy me, i love how you wrap your arms and legs around me to be able to go to sleep, i love how we used to sleep foreheads against each other. Oh god, you don't know how much i love you, i would continue how much i love the small things you do without noticing, i love you, every single flaw, every single small thing you do. My heart hurts while writing this, but you asked me to leave you, and i will, for a while, just to let you think about everything, but i just want you to know that, i love you, and i will wait for you. i am so sorry my love, forgive me? Please.. You changed me for the better, Chrissy, you brought me back to life, you made me, me again, you're the reason i breath, i can't live without you, i really can't, i don't know what to do without you. i love you, i love you so much..

Louis..xx

My eyes were now full of tears, but i couldn't, i couldn't forgive him, he hurt me so badly, in a way i can't ever be healed again. Tears were now flowing from my eyes and down to the paper.

I took a deep breath, and pulled the letter to my chest. I lied in bed, the letter in my arms, i pulled a pillow next to me, wrapping my legs and arms around it, i tried to fall asleep, but i couldn't, i couldn't sleep, his scent was missing, his body was missing, his presence was missing, his breaths were missing, his warmth was missing. he was missing.

.(hi guys! Early update! I was gonna do a double update yesterday, i wrote this chapter twice but forgot to save it both times, so i wrote it now and here you go!

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