Is loving a crime?

Chapter-28

Areum's P.O.V

It's been fucking 14 days since I died.Not literally but I could tell I was dead.It was already hard for me but smiling like it was fine in front of others made it even more harder.I smiled like a crazy person so my unnies and fans could think I was doing okay.I started doing my makeup early in the morning so I would look a 'little' fine and I only wore oversized clothes.It was getting harder for me to survive everyday and Jungkook's scandal made it harder for me.Few days ago Jungkook's and Yein's photos were published together.Bighit didn't release any statement and Yein just shyly denied when she was asked about it.

I don't even know what to do.I couldn't share it to anyone.Minjae too stopped talking to me and I couldn't tell it to my members.I found myself keeping these feelings more to myself.I preferred staying in my room alone.I felt like I was alone in this world.Like there was nobody for me.I couldn't help but cry when I remembered my conversation with my doctor.

Flashback

"You said you lost 3 kg just this week?" the doctor asked as I nodded.

"And you can't sleep at night?" she raised her eyebrow and again I nodded.

"I can't sleep at night nor I can eat properly.I like staying in my room alone and I don't like doing anything." I sighed.

I seriously tried moving on but it was hard.I couldn't even think about moving on when I was facing these problems.

"Are you here alone?First I could like to talk to your omma.Is she here?" she asked.

"Is something wrong?" I panicked as she avoided any eyes contact.

She didn't speak a word.

"Aunt!Please tell me!!" I cried.

I couldn't bear this silence of her.I was getting scared.She softly interlinked her hands with mine as she smiled softly.

"Calm down Areum~ah!Nothing is wrong.It's not too late,okay?" she smiled.

She was my omma's best friend and she loved me like her own child.I trusted her so I came to her for my checkup.

"What do you mean by it's not too late?Am I dying?" I cried harder.

"No no!It's not like that dear.Please calm down first." she pulled me into a warm hug as I slowly stopped crying.

"The things that we talked about are the symptoms of depression."

What?

"If you don't take of yourself now then it'll be too late,dear.So you should fight for yourself.You have to learn to smile again.You have to be strong.I'll be here for you so believe in yourself,okay?" she asked but I couldn't reply.

How am I supposed to smile again?I am scared to be happy.Why should I be happy when all I get is pain afterward?

"Aunt.Can you do me a favor?Please don't tell anyone about it."

Flashback ends

Since then I have been thinking a lot.I have been thinking for me,my family,my members and him.When I think about it I was always a burden to everyone.Because of me my members and people around me had to go through a lot of problems.

"Areum-ssi please get ready for the stage."

I am performing tonight at Seoul music awards.We weren't supposed to perform but tonight I wanted to perform.My members and pd-nim were against it but I needed to do it.

I turned to the mirror and I looked at my reflection.I'll miss this all.

"Areum~ah do well.We'll be rooting for you." Heeyoung unnie cheered.

All of them came to cheer for me.They decided to watch me from the waiting room.I slowly moved to them as I hugged them all.They were all confused but decided to hug me back.

"Thank you unnies.Thank you for everything.I am lucky to have you all and remember that I love you,okay?"

I could tell they were confused.I broke the hug as I made my way to the stage.My very last stage.

"Let's welcome Kim Areum.She will be performing Fine by Kim Taeyeon" with that the music started and I began to sing.

On a ripped piece of paper
I wrote down how I really feel
And it gets clear, somethin' bout you

Like a magic spell I found myself looking at Jungkook.I wonder how I find him in this crowd.He too was looking at me with his beautiful eyes that I always loved.

Yeah, you and I are similar but different
Do you feel the same way?
I'm getting my hopes up

I missed you Kookie.

When one day, one month, one year passes
Will we be living different lives?

Will you forget about me someday?

Not me
It won't be easy for me
Still, you fill up my days

You'll always fill my days Jungkook.I want to see that beautiful smile of yours.

Not yet
I tell myself, like a fool
I can't swallow the words that linger in my mouth
It's not fine
Ah ah ah ah it's not fine

You seem fine.You look okay without me but I still seem to wait for you.Wait for you to hold me into your arms again.I am sorry for causing you so many troubles but just remember one thing that I'll always love you.I love you Jeon Jungkook.

I broke the eye contact with him as my performance ended.I am sure I'll be getting more hate comments after this but I wanted to watch him for the last time so it is okay,right?

I bowed down as I smiled,sincerely.Thank you everyone.I sincerely thank you.

So,I finally made my decision.

"May I come in?" I softly knocked on the door.

"Yeah" I heard pd-nim's voice so I walked inside.

"Oh Areum~ah!What brings you here?" I was greeted with a warm smile.

"I want to talk to you about something." I smiled back

"Why don't you take a seat first." he said so I sat in the sofa as he sat at the opposite seat.

"Would you like to have some coffee?" he asked me.

"Sure." I replied with a small smile.

"So what did you want to talk about?" he asked me.

I played with my fingers nervously as he waited for me.I built up my courage as this is my last chance to mend my mistake.I have to do it.

"Pd-nim I am thinking about leaving Bighit entertainment."

Please don't kill me!!Not yet lol

So yeah!I could finally update.Yayyyyyy! 💟💟💟💟💟💟

I don't understand why teachers give us so much assignments😭😭😭😭

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll make sure to update soon❤️❤️❤️

You are free to vote and comment 😊😊😊😊

I'll meet you all in the next chapter!Bye bye and I love you❤️❤️❤️❤️