release 5sos3 or else i'm going to shove a plunger up your asshole

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(hi hey hello um, we're just going to pretend that this story skipped ahead a few months and is now taking place in current day, calum and cristina are frands but she still hasn't met him or any of the other band members. aaaaand 5SOS3 is cominggg i'm ready)

cristina: hey hoe release 5sos3

calum: um, manners?

cristina: sorry, release 5sos3 or else i'm going to shove a plunger up your asshole

calum: not until you say the magic word

cristina: idk why i like your band anymore tbh

cristina: you all are fucking teases

calum: you like it though ;)

cristina: i'd like it to have luke singing to my soul rn but you're fucking lame

calum: wow you're really worked up over this, aren't you?

cristina: 2 YEARS MAN

cristina: WHO TF DOES THIS TO THEIR FANS

cristina: I NEEEEEED NEW MUSIC

calum: you're just going to have to wait a bit longer

cristina: omg can you just like, idk leak me the new song and i'll leak it to the rest of the fandom and then we can all just blame it on luke and call it a day?

cristina: plz

cristina: i'm crying

cristina: calum i love you

calum: wow considering that's the first time i actually believed that from you, i'm going to have to say no

calum: wait another few days peasant

cristina: WHY DO YOU TORTURE YOUR FANS

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i need 5sos3 now

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