The Boy I Can't Remember

Chapter 11.

//This chapter is unedited I will fix any possible grammar mistakes when I wake up!
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The moonlight shines on the buildings. The yellow light from the street lamps help to guide us through the night. My hand is locked with Ryder's, his jacket is over my shoulders and we are walking through the empty street. Together.

"Is it true you were a jerk?" I ask, remembering what Lily told me.

Ryder looks at me, "I can't deny it. I wasn't in a good head space, it sounds like I'm making up excuses but it's the truth."

I nod "What changed?"

"You." He says.

Suddenly he stops walking and pulls me closer to him.

He sighs, "There's something I need to tell you, it's important."

But that's when it happens. A sharp pain shoots through my head, the smell of gasoline overtakes me and suddenly I'm in a car with Lily. My vision is foggy, and everything turned cold. I'm driving down a road but some type of animal is standing in the way. I can hear someone talking to me.

"Carson, are you okay?" Ryder's voice snaps me out of it.

I look around and I'm still standing in the same place. The pain in my head is slowly disappearing; I look up at Ryder who has a worried look on his face.

"Yeah I'm fine, what were you saying?" I question trying to forget what just happened.

He still looks worried. "What happened? Never mind, let's get you home."

We turn around and go back to his car but I cannot stop thinking about what just happened, was it a memory flashback? Are my memories finally coming back? I felt terrified for some reason. That pain in my head was something I could never forget. I rest my head on the window.

"Are you alright?" Ryder asks as he drives.

"I have a headache." I reply. It wasn't a lie.

"There are painkillers in the glove box."

I reach over and open the compartment, it's filled with papers. I move stuff around but the thing that catches my eye is a baggie with some type of white substance in it. I pull it out and hold it up in front of me. I then move my eyes to Ryder. He looks so guilty.

"Care to explain?" I ask him calmly.

"Carson." He keeps his eyes on the road, "I don't do that stuff anymore."

"Anymore? What is it exactly?" I question him further.

"What the hell do you think it is?!"

"It's clearly drugs but I want to know what drug it fucking is." My voice gets louder.

"The details are not important." Ryder responds, he is trying to avoid talking about it.

"If you don't do it anymore why was it in your glove box?"

He shakes his head in frustration, "I forgot about it, okay?"

"Why can't you just open up to me god damn it. I want to know things about you, good or bad. If you used drugs I don't care if it was once or a hundred times I want to know." I get it off my chest.

"If you knew my past you wouldn't want anything to do with me." Ryder replies.

I don't say anything back to this, the rest of the drive is silent and awkward. When he pulls in to the driveway I throw the baggie at him which lands on his lap and I get out the car, I stomp into my house up to my room and I slam my door. A few minutes later I hear knocking on my door.

"Carson, can we talk about this?" I hear Ryder asking.

I don't answer, instead I start removing my make up. But Ryder is persistent.

"Carson let me in."

I groan and open the door.

"What?" I say very bluntly.

He takes a breath, "I used drugs starting at the age of fifteen but I stopped a few months ago. I smoked my first cigarette at fourteen. If you really want to know I lost my virginity at fourteen also. My dad is a drunk and abusive, my mom is too scared to leave him. I can't stand to be around him so yes it lead me to doing some bad shit and no I'm not the purest or nicest guy in the world but I am trying. I pray every night that I don't turn out to be like my dad and I don't even believe in God. I don't know what love feels like and I've used far too many girls for sex, I'm not proud that I'm a fucking mess and I'm sorry if this makes you think differently of me."

I take in every word. I have no idea how to respond, I don't think negatively of him for his past. This is what I wanted all along - honesty. Ryder has tears in his eyes. I throw my arms around him and hug him tightly, I want to do every in my power to comfort and make him feel safe.

"You are not like your father," I whisper into his neck.

"What if I am?" His voice croaks.

I move out of the embrace and move my hands to either side of his face, I glare into his teary, emerald green eyes.

"You're not." I repeat.

I lean forward and peck him on his lips.

"This date turned out more dramatic than expected." Ryder says.

I smile, "It's a date to remember."

"I'll let you go to bed, goodnight Carson."

"Goodnight Ryder," I reply and watch him walk across the hall to his room.

I close my door and remove my heels which were starting to hurt my feet and my red dress. I slip on a matching silk top and shorts before brushing my teeth and climbing into bed. My memory flashback was haunting me, were they going to come back to me from nowhere every time? I don't know if I could deal with that. I lay in bed staring at my ceiling, I felt scared and alone. My mind eventually travelled back to Ryder, I could tell he was in pain about his family issues but I didn't know how to help him.

I get back out of bed and very slowly open my door; the entire house was quiet and dark. I walk across the hall and open the spare bedroom's door, Ryder was laying wide awake in bed with just a lamp on. He glances at me; I walk in shutting the door behind me.

"Do you mind?" I question, I don't need to specify.

He happily shakes his head "Not at all."

And he peels back the bed covers; I climb into bed with him. He puts the blankets back over and wraps his arm around me, I snuggle into his warm chest and we lay like this, until we eventually drift off to sleep.