The Boy I Can't Remember

Chapter 29.

Surprise! I'm finally updating

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It's two days later when I arrive home from the hospital and somehow even after everything that has happened, I feel happy. Going back to Seattle means that I can put this entire mess behind me, for good.

I'll go back and live my life like I was before I moved to this shitty town and Ryder can live his pathetic life, with Lily. But I'll still have to see them at school until our house is sold. Which will take weeks, months in the worst-case scenario.

I was falling for the guy who bullied me. And I hated myself for it but I hated him even more. 

I'm watching television when a knock sounds at the door. I silently hope that it isn't Ryder as I walk over to open it.

Thankfully, it's not. It is Sheridan. She looks nervous.

"I'm sorry for not telling you about Ryder and Lily," She apologizes. 

"Why didn't you?" I ask, still unsure if I should be mad at her.

"Ryder and I have known each other a long time, my loyalty lies with him. He begged me not to," Sheridan explains.

"Is he and Lily together?" I can't stop myself from questioning.

She hesitates to answer, "the last time I saw Ryder, he was drinking and getting high with Will." 

"I thought he stopped doing shit like that."

Sheridan shrugs, "He did, until now."

I think for a moment. "I want to see him, where is he?" I'm being irrational but I'm worried, no matter how much I try to deny it.

"Wait, really? Shouldn't you be resting?"

"I've being resting for three days, I'm fine," I reassure her.

"Let's go then."

I follow her outside before I change my mind. We hop into her car and she begins to drive to Will's house. We're halfway there when I realize that I don't know what to say to Ryder. But no matter our past, I didn't want him falling back into his bad habits.

Sheridan parks behind Ryder's car. Maybe I could fake a seizure to get out of this situation. I don't know why I'm so nervous to see him, he's the one that fucked up, not me.

I stride next to Sheridan to the door and knock three times. I breathe heavily as the door opens, revealing Will. He seems shocked to see me.

"Carson? Um, what are you doing here," he asks me.

"I need to see Ryder," I answer.

"That's not a good idea," Will tells me.

Beside me Sheridan sighs, "Just let her in dickface." She pushes past Will.

Once I'm inside the scent of marijuana assaults my nose. I behind Sheridan, with Will on my heels down the entry hall and into the living room.

The first thing I lay my eyes on is the blonde boy who broke my heart, holding a joint, sitting next to Lily.

Anger boils up in me all over again.

As soon as his bloodshot eyes meet mine he hastily stands up and throws the joint into the glass ashtray.

My eyes move to Lily as I say, "having fun?"

"It's not what it looks like," Ryder is quick to defend.

"I don't care," I lie, "what you do or who you do is none of my business, I just wanted you to know that I'm moving back to Seattle."

"What?!" Ryder and Sheridan say in sync.

"Yeah so, have a nice life, bye," I say before turning around.

"Wait," Ryder says, "can we talk?"

I spin around and look at the others.

Sheridan catches on fast, "I'm going to have a smoke." She tugs Will by his shirt and leads him outside.

Then I look at Lily, who still has scars on her face from when I scratched her.

"Get out Lily," Ryder commands.

She looks offended but she leaves anyways.

I awkwardly sit in the chair closest to me and wait for Ryder to speak.

"Are you leaving because of me?"

I shake my head. "No. I mean you're part of it but with everything else, I just think it's best for me to go back home."

Empty bottles of beer laying around catches my attention. "What about you? Are you drinking because of me?"

Ryder clenches his jaw. "No, because of me. Look, I fucked up, really bad with you but I don't want you to leave."

"It's not about what you want, Ryder."

"I know that."

"Nothing you say is going to change what you did," I tell him.

He begins to look frustrated. "Then why did you come here? Are you here just to make me feel worse?"

I'm taken back. "Why are you getting angry at me? It's not my fault you took advantage of my accident and lied the entire time we were together." I stand up. "Talking obviously isn't going to get us anywhere."

Ryder takes a few steps closer to me and grabs my hand. "I'm sorry."

"Sometimes sorry doesn't cut it."

"Carson, give me another chance." And then he begins leaning down to kiss me.

But just as his lips catches me, I place my hand on his chest and stop him. "Ryder, no."

"Really Ryder?" Lily's voice causes both me and Ryder to snap out heads towards her. "You were kissing me last night."

I step back from Ryder in disgust.

"I was drunk, okay?" He responds.

I throw my hands up. "You know what? I can't even be mad about that because a few weeks ago I made out with Will." My pettiness jumps out.

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Do you think Carson was right to drop that bomb onto Ryder?